The dick that keeps on giving.

He has a history of opening for Jackie “The Jokeman” Martling, including at the Rrazz Room at the Prince Theater in Center City, and has been known to joke about his weight.

Mel Gibson’s worst offense was making The Passion of the Christ, but I still forgave him for that.

I want to feel bad for her. But the only reason she would suffer through this constant humiliation has to be because Tiffany is still surviving by suckling from Daddy’s teat. It must be tempting to publicly tell Trump to go fuck himself, but apparently not enough to live for yourself.

They’ve been cleared of all charges (including possession charges, which is insane) except for one man, who still faces one count of theft.

Umm, Schwarber actually never got a hit off Andrew Miller. If he did, Game 1 might have been a little different.

Correction: Doug Gottlieb is not on ESPN Radio. He is on CBS Sports Radio, as evidenced by their logo on his fucking laptop.

Typhoon Kuroi, Snake McMillan, Mike Marksman.

Except Maddon’s faith in Schwarber did in fact ruin the Cubs’ chances in Game 1. Credit to him for working the count and earning that walk in the 7th inning, but that was always Schwarber’s best possible outcome against Miller. Schwarber is horrendous against lefties, and he should have been lifted for a pinch-hitter…

It should be LeBron James’ Dunks Are So Violent, right? Patrick’s documented struggles with apostrophe usage has me all fucked up.