I made my daughter a pretty epic blanket fort today. She went to bed an hour ago and now I’m drinking vodka in it.

It seems like when you first quit you want people to like blow it in your face and eat cereal out of an old ashtray but if you go long enough it becomes repulsive.

I’m just wondering how one acts ruthlessly gay? I’m picturing like some bloodthirsty flamboyant gay pirate?

My shrieking actually shattered them, such were the depths of my fear.

Yea we kind of have been instilled that we should be afraid of our bodies from youth. So I’d say Christianity? Catholicism?

I mean I can saw a dude’s head off but genitals?!?! My delicate sensibilities are rocked!!!!

It’s a short list, have a healthy skepticism of men in general. It’s probably stressful I imagine but there’s really only about 25-30% of us that aren’t fixated on your vaginas, mostly happily married guys and gay fellas. See I’m just trying to gain your confidence so I can use your skin to upholster the ottomans in…

I saw that poster when I went to see something with wifey (think it was Secret Life of Pets) and I literally spent a good minute just staring at it thinking ‘really?’

I mean it’s a casino, can’t logistically babysit everyone, I mean the dude handled fifteen drinks (presumably not Shirley Temples), and didn’t black out or anything. Was still able to order more, think it’s safe to say he regularly enjoyed alcohol.

What a piece of shit, I’m sure the casino funneled those drinks down his gullet then provided him a pamphlet on how to commit spousal abuse. Right, she blasted your groin cause you were attacking her you human equivalent of old piss soaked candy corn scraped out of a particularly shitty dumpster!

Bu-dum-tss

The Zyailiate, needs repurpoforging a new Chrysiliate. Go forth and acquire the Seven Crystals of Glurbifon. *Lots of running and crying on beaches*. My Murbifont wasn’t in truckuleb with the Zanity Crystal. NOW ALL THE PURPLE WATER WILL SPILL FROM THE GLOBFALL!!!

I don’t even know why we need women! Can’t it just be two men, loving each other, exploring one another’s bodies!

Right, an Eastern European Ms. Potato Head Knock-off criticizing Michele. Must be nice to live in your own fantasy land.

ZGLARP!!! *Starts playing Tarzan on the nearest flag pole* The chimp so he’s actively throwing his own shit.

Seriously, looks like he’s going to fashion a tin foil hat then start making his poop into race cars! He really seems likes he’s losing it.

So maybe one likes MMA, and the other likes video games?

I did a double take, thought it should’ve been...Deadspin? Originally posted from Deadspin? I don’t know, sports give me ultra cancer and cause my distal colon to prolapse into a giant balloon that purposefully carries me into the nearest wood chipper.

I’m sure teens give him a hard time constantly. Especially when he skis in to take their rec center.

Right, it’s not like their favorably comparing their ability to forage for shoots and ants. No walking that back ya racist jags.