yeah, I mean, I’m three months in to this marriage thing so I’m feeling pretty good about it at the moment, but moving everything into a joint feels way too much like giving up ALL my autonomy and ability to leave if shit truly hits the fan. And, in the shorter term honeymoon stage, it means we both can spend money…

It’s called emotional infidelity. No one wants a partner that puts all of their primary love and caring towards someone other than you. And hides it.

Yup. And it’s also totally possible that he’s documenting shit about her to get half/full custody/weasel out of child support.

Clearing the joint accounts can be fraudulent, be very careful advising that.

Are we certain of that? She told him he couldn’t ever talk to someone again, that’s no way to go into a relationship.

Yup. “Staying together/forgiving your partner’s crimes for the kids” is just a recipe for kids who grow up weird because they were born in soil poisoned with the tension and anger that you totally were putting out there even though you swear you totally weren’t.

Yes, I agree. And during that six-month lull, line her ducks up, get friends to help.

If he’s so obsessed with this other woman, I’m sure she could get sole custody to their kid while he’s in the midst of his ensorcelement. Or even for him to remove himself as father legally.

Jane is terrible at this. And when I read that bit about foisting child rearing on him to punish him for cheating, my jaw dropped. Cause that’s really the relationship you want to foster between your child and its father.

spend your time researching how to file yourself

Right? Also, who wants to go through birth and the first few weeks of your childs life feeling like shit because you never know when your dipshit husband is sexting with his long-distance girlfriend? That does not make for lovely memories and it only adds more stress.

I mentioned this below, but he’s been doing this for the entirety of their relationship. Their courtship, engagement, marriage, honeymoon phase, and ultimately their child are conceived of a lie. “He’s a douche” is such an awful way to simplify the magnitude of his sin, and “you have him by the strings” is laughable.…

He’s been doing this for half a decade. And mind you, this was before they got engaged, during their engagement, during the honeymoon phase, and everything after. Their relationship has been a lie for the most part and nothing can salvage it. Nothing.

Seriously. It takes a special kind of scumbucket to marry and have kids with someone while keeping options open with a side piece for five entire years. There’s a time and place for breezy cool girl advice - this isn’t it. This shit rips people’s lives apart. The emotional pain is often physical as well. Every day…

This is exactly what happened to my sister (well almost). Ex ran off with the neighbor when my sister was 7 months pregnant. It won’t get better. Leave him.

You deceive me for five years, your wants no longer matter.

Exactly. The advice about her foisting child rearing for a newborn on him is garbage. He’s not invested in the relationship. If his lady can’t move to him, he WILL move to her, and if LW thinks he’s going to put in his work as a father, let him prove it otherwise.

Yeah, that was my suspicion as well. Not too many guys are willing to jerk off long-distance for five years without ever trying to meet in person. It may not have actually happened, but I 100% guarantee he tried to make it happen.

Oh, also read Nora Ephron’s “Heartburn” like, right damn now. It will help.

LW 1: GET OUT. Do not listen to this advice here and get out now. It’s not going to get better.