I need to go steal my dolls back from my nieces and recreate Bitch Better Have My Money ASAP.

He’s is the human equivalent of the word moist. Just a regular word, but there’s something gross and revolting about it. Not quite slimy, because the money element dilutes its substance. Just uncomfortable, sloppy, lukewarm moistness.

This is completely tangential to your story but one time I called Whole Earth looking for a particular brand of hiking boots. The guy on the line told me they stopped selling anything by that brand because of their soles. Dumbass me decided to troll him and feign ignorance: their SOULS? You mean, they all went to…

J. Crew is winning like Charlie Sheen is winning.

“We’ll only follow you halfway around the store!”

We raise kids with the expectation that they are special and entitled to an exciting, successful life. If they are not then also good enough at something or hard working enough or socially/emotionally stable enough to find their place in something bigger than them where they can get a sense of belonging and…

Damn, Jezebel writers killing it with the prose lately: ‘who looks like the result of a shameful one night stand between a Brooks Brothers suit and a copy of Atlas Shrugged’. Yes.

Noooo, not cocaine! They’ll just spew their anti-science bullshit with more vigor and energy!

Thanks y'all- if you have never punched an asshole, you simply must put it on your bucket list!

I’m more or less okay with him being appointed Supreme Moonbeam Emperor For Life.

wow Anna why is gawker so biased in favor of facts and science and medical research

I’m not yet a parent, but seriously thinking about going forward with it and I find this “parental choice/parental control” obsession in the US to be scary. Please, don’t make me 100% responsible for the life of a tiny human! I’ll do my very best to keep said human alive, healthy, and happy, but I don’t have the time…

folks are cleverly infecting anti-vaccination activists with computer viruses embedded in photos and links.

you’re so right—i’ll adjust my blueprints

As much as I love the idea of a diarrhea catapult I imagine that you’d have to actually put the diarrhea into a water balloon if you actually wanted to achieve any real distance.

I reply “thousands of sperm and you were the fastest?” and shake my head in disbelief.

Where would they grow? Just... all over????

What makes me feel like a man: picking up really heavy things; getting paid what I'm worth; not having to worry about going out alone after dark.