“So now we can’t reference songs by black artists because they might be construed as racist?”

*pour

Um, so? How does this make Blake Lively racist? We all know what the song’s about . . . okay, us grow-folk know what the song’s about. How does that knowledge add to this conversation one iota?

This needs more stars.

Take it up with Sir Mix-a-Lot, fine. But how does this make Blake Lively a racist? Y’all are stretching like a MF to see this as “racist.”

Stupid and inane I’ll give you. But racist? How in God’s holy name is this racist? Was Sir Mix-a-Lot touting a racist diametric when he penned the line?

Anyone who says they don’t want their kids to die horrible deaths at least half-a-dozen times a weekend is lying. But with your own kids it still works. Because they hug you and say things like “you’re the greatest daddy in the world,” and you believe they actually believe it because they're so goddamned cute. So…

All the references to the wrong city are funny because Canada. Get it . . . CANADA!

I understand that She Bangs was the worst song ever recorded, and death via low-and-slow cooking is better than he deserves, but Ricky Martin is still in decent shape.

More importantly, Drew, can you confirm that the Dominican Repulic is *NOT* Texas? Some dipshit from the other day really needs to know.

Especially Houston, the sweaty asshole of the entire continent.

Runs and hides?!?? He kept coming while Glass Joey looks for Beltre to save him from a further ass whipping.

How are you idiots calling this a sucker punch? They’re looking right at each other, Odor winds up while Bautista is himself winding up, and the blow was right in the chin. Do you even know what “sucker punch” means?!

There is absolutely zero support for this headline in this article. Are we just randomly throwing words together now, with the hope no one will notice? Let me try to help:

You’re a complete goddamned moron. “If it’s whole, it’s a side; if it’s chopped up really, really small, it’s a side; if it’s named after something it’s clearly, even though the name is superfluous to the actual item, it’s a side . . . but if it’s somewhat cut (but not too small!) and named for what it is, it is…

Garnishment is what your yankee fucking IRS does when you don’t bow to the imperial masters in Washington, District of Columbia. Pick up a fucking dictionary, yankee dipshit.

I would like to see your Texan bona fides, because you’re wrong. The charging of money does not make something a side. How many barbecue joints have you been in that charge you for Wonder bread or a roll? Are those condiments, too?

Seventh generation Texan here (seriously, no shit), and you’re wrong. Pickles and sweet onions are a side to barbecue. This is not debatable.

No, and fuck you. Bounds are for pussies and yankees.

It has been said that infinite monkeys banging away at infinite typewriters will eventually author the complete works of Shakespeare. Can I assume this is their first draft?