One of these is opening in my hometown. It looks kind of fun with bean bag chairs and chaise loungers

He either has to shave or commit to growing that shit. No one wants an indecisive tool

I was already off of work because of Spring Break, so today I’m doing nothing and taking a nap.

If I was the prosecution, I’d be calling him Mr Machine every chance I got

Escorts don’t usually bring their “dates” home with them

It kills black widows very well

I still have an aol. It’s not my main email account anymore but I haven’t been able to get rid of it yet

She’s trying the best she can but there are only so many ways she can sing “I am Lorde, Ya Ya Ya”

He’s scared for his job. He was nearly beat by a democrat during this latest election.

It’s not showing up on my podcasts for iPhone :(

I don’t get it

Ivanka has a type

Drumpf used to leak stories to the tabloids because he thought that any press was good as long as his name was being printed. It’s why the Enquirer paid so much to kill the Drumpf mistress story

The President’s VA listening session that didn’t have a single Veteran’s group in attendance. The Drumpfs forgot to invite them and then cancelled the press corp that was scheduled to cover it so we don’t know who exactly was there

You forgot the VA listening session that had no Veterans advocates and they cancelled the press pool that was scheduled to cover the event. Now we only have a vague idea of who actually attended

They are all Nice Guys™

Maybe his next executive order will be to switch to the metric system. 3 inches equals 7.62 cm

I didn’t even notice her to begin with

I’m so excited. My husband and I have been waiting for him to revisit the Unbreakable world. Before we saw his latest movies, we’d half joke/ half hope that the twist was going to be an origin story for a new superhero.

17 YEARS?!?!?! YOU LIE!!!