It’s true, fat people only have fat reasons for doing things. SMH.

But he cooks dinner for us literally every night! So...I’m torn.

I live in a hot sauce household that is split along gender lines — I like Cholula and my boyfriend likes Tabasco. We have both on our table, and it has lead to lots of discussions about why the other person has no taste, how we love them anyway, but they are terribly wrong and we pray for their hot sauce-loving soul.

ScarJo? Oh, was Emma Stone not available?

Me [sees headline]: Oh, fuck her.
Me: Wait, let’s see what she says first.
Me [watches clip]: Oh, fuck her.

Is Courtney Stodden covered with glitter, or is all of her plastic surgery melting off??

So she’s pretty, with a neatly kept hairstyle, and probably looks great in their clothes? Yes, Zara, shut that down!

Next up for Jacques Hyzagi: Director of Communications for the Trump campaign.

Spot on. I work in Times Square and have learned you just have to power through. No smile, no response, no nothing. Months of daily attempts by Elmo (or multiple Elmos) will turn you into a hardened bastard like me. An *adorable* hardened bastard.

I’m sorry, does he believe that rape kits are more traumatic than ACTUAL RAPE?

“Caftans and Cocktails” would be a great name for the autobiography of that house’s owner.

They stole my baby name?!

I got my period while spending a month in India with my best friend’s family. I was 13 and a long way from home with no family. My friend’s mom gave me a roll of cotton, told me to park my butt until it was over, and had me sit on the sidelines and watch the other kids play (to my distress). I tried to tell my mom,…

I’m so on board, I’m sitting in the Ecto-1, waiting in the theater parking lot for the doors to open so I can buy a bucket of popcorn and see this movie.

I can imagine being in that audience, thinking, “Chris Rock is a comedian, thus I am supposed to laugh. But he’s saying serious stuff, so...maybe I shouldn’t laugh? But this is the opening monologue at the Oscars, so maybe laugh a little? Should I not laugh, but clap supportively? Is there a ‘Blue Steel’ but for ‘I…

People are always surprised I commute to NYC from central NJ. I spend 40 minutes on a train, which isn’t so bad. I get a seat, I read. Meanwhile, they’re trekking in from Flushing or the depths of Brooklyn, which takes just as much time! Yes, I gave up some things by leaving New York, but I do get twice as much space.

This looks like someone took 5 different under-developed screenplays, threw in some charming A-list actors, and hoped it would work.

In the meantime, I’m going to continue my tradition of not seeing any Garry Marshall holiday-themed movies.

I replaced my apartment’s crummy shower head with a much better (but still fairly inexpensive) one, and it made ALL the difference. Quick fix but totally worth it. I’m no plumber, but with a little YouTube tutorial, I’d figured out how to do it in no time!

Confusingly, my boyfriend doesn’t think this is romantic. Sometimes I wonder if we’re compatible.