I’m *never* the person who’s like, “Oh, I can’t eat three slices of pizza! I’d burst!” or “Two whole bowls of cereal?!” (Yes, my college roommate said that as I took a second bowl of Cheerios.) But I think by the time I made it through multiple layers of dessert, I couldn’t actually enjoy the milkshake.

On behalf of New Jersey, we reject your kind offer to gift us Staten Island. We would, however, accept Zabars or Chinatown, should you be feeling generous.

You rang...?

Do you think Isabel R. knew she was signing up for 30 years of subway ads about her pimples?

Seriously. I mean, this is my view of the ball from my office, and I’m still going to go home and watch it on television. Naked and drunk, as you suggest.

I work in Times Square next to that Ruby Tuesday’s. If that’s a “real NYC New Year’s Eve” then I have a great studio (so cozy!) to sell you for $5 million. (And I’m glad you’re covering the insanity of these deals because when I first read about them my head exploded.)

You need to post this on every Star Wars-related post, on every website. Thank you!

I concur...from Eastern European pale, freckled, redhead and loving it.

There’s no amount of base tans in the world that will turn me anything other than red. Granted, my freckles will turn 20 shades darker, but that’s they’re never going to converge to form a tan no matter how much I joke about it.

Ah, ye old asymetrical hem. I used to pop into Lane Bryant looking for an attractive, basic work-to-weekend wardrobe — some well fitting pants, blouses that accommodated my chest, jeans that weren’t bedazzled — only to find one unwearable but trendy piece of overpriced clothing after another. I had to give up. It was…

Thank you! (I know it’s nothing the grand scheme of things. I just felt the need to share.)

This post is making me seriously sad. Thanksgiving night — the final one in my childhood home — and my parents gave me almost all the leftovers. They were going to Vegas the next day, so jackpot! my boyfriend and I got everything. I put them all away. Then woke up on Friday to discover the refrigerator broken,…

If you have a chronic illness and qualify, make sure to apply for intermittent FMLA. It literally means you can apply it to an hour here or there — for something like a doctor’s appointment — and your employer can’t penalize you. (Not legally, anyway.) You don’t get paid, but it provides job protection. It’s worth it,…

Here’s what sucks about being a bridesmaid: being a bridesmaid.

But I did it for my friends, so they’ll do it for me. Because I love them...and they owe me.

FTFY.

I hate when they show all the funny parts in the trailer.

Guess they couldn’t find any funny parts?

This was just one more reason I’m locking him down! Literally. He’s not allowed to leave the apartment ever again.

My father has one rule about tipping — NO TIPS. Just kidding. He won’t tip less than $5, no matter how small the bill. He frequently eats at a local diner where the breakfasts are ridiculously cheap. He always told me that they don’t work any less hard to bring you that breakfast, no reason to tip them any less. My…

Writing an essay for xoJane should be a major clue for anyone that it’s time to reevaluate some life decisions.

And this is so typical of those insane xoJane columns, where you know the writer is making a terrible decision but they’re adamant they aren’t. And now it’s 2 years later and I’m all WE TOLD YOU SO, RANDOM INTERNET LADY!

I’m really hoping people start commenting on the original article again. (Because I’m a terrible person.)