I refuse to believe this isn't made up. It's too perfect. Almost, one might even say… a miracle.

Difference is, literally no one would go see it. Atheism doesn't require constant bucking up and validation, so what would be the point?

Are her legs in this movie, too? That's all I really care about. She got some lovely lovely gams.

Only Satan would prevent you from Gettin' Yours! Jesus wants you to be rich (as long as he gets a percentage).

Oh, ye of little faith.

Well, in all fairness, I'm sure it must seem like a miracle when a disease you never actually had suddenly goes away. Just sayin'…

Being forced to review two Christian movies in one week would be legally actionable. Pretty sure that qualifies as "workplace harassment."

Well, I'm convinced.

Why? My real name's Banjo Drinksmuchson.

Are you saying he's not?

Yeah, seems like they picked the wrong miracle to center this story around.

Even bigger question: Why would a supposedly kind god require a near-fatal fall from a tree as prelude to miraculously curing a disease? Why not just, you know, cure the disease? Why make a big production out of it? Or, better yet, why not nip the whole thing in the bud and just eliminate disease altogether?

I'd argue the difference is that something like Ben-Hur was built to entertain first; any religious stuff you might imbibe from it is a distant second. It's not a "Christian film" — it's a film told within a Christian milieu. It doesn't preach because it doesn't have to: It's too busy being engaging and interesting in…

Précisément. They're like the junk mail you get after you send in a registration card for something you've just bought. They're just meant to delay or eliminate buyer's remorse.

I'm going to write my own Christian movie. Are these too subtle?

Who the hell would make up a name like "Colton Burpo"? It's too terrible to be anything but real.

See also Ingmar Bergman and Terrence Malick. But then, they're just plain good filmmakers, so…

Yeah, you almost feel bad trashing these movies (almost but not really) because it's like lambasting a preschooler's art project. Truly talented writers and filmmakers don't have to sully themselves in the Jesus Movie ghetto. They're too busy making actual good movies.

For a whole lot of people their religion is nothing more than a big stick to beat others with — a means of co-opting reflected power by association.

Exactly. If your belief system is that fragile you seriously need to do a lot of hard thinking and a lot less praying.