These movies are crap for the same reason that it's impossible to make a TV commercial that would qualify as art: No matter how artfully made, the only real purpose is to sell a product (or worse, to stave off buyer's remorse about a product that's already been purchased). No matter how artfully crafted, the end…

I just want a movie where somebody asks "Are you the Messiah?" and Jesus simply replies "Word." I already have a twenty set aside to buy the first ticket.

I used to love The Franciscan Brothers. That thing where they juggled chainsaws while riding unicycles was amazing. What ever happened to them?

Oh, come on. That barely counts as a spoiler. Eventually he comes back as a zombie and than gets Hoover-ed up into the sky like Richard Dreyfuss in Close Encounters.

I wonder what happened to bring her back to the Satanic fold, though? A few years ago she was swearing up and down that she'd never write about evil vampires or other booga-boogas again. Did she and the G-Man have a falling out?

"…a Deadpool style meta reference to Catholicism before Catholicism"

Well, it just makes sense as it's always been perfectly obvious to anyone with ears that Nickleback are the minions of Satan.

Got sick, got Jesus, swore she'd never write about ungodly things like vampires ever again and devote her life to boring non-Christians silly with stuff like this. Then, recently, she apparently had another revelation that vampires be kosher again.

Boom. This ^ But then, I'd go even further and say, why would anyone bother making another mob movie after Goodfellas, either? Once Scorsese does it you can rest assured that it's been done as well as it's possible to do. Anything further is, at best, merely redundant and, at worst, totally pointless.

But, see, Ignatiy, you're making the standard movie-reviewer error of assuming that a "Christian" movie was even supposed to be entertaining in the traditional (read: secular) sense at all. These movies are inoculations for the already devout, designed and built for the sole purpose of reinforcing pre-existing…

Which is exactly why none of the crazies will ever watch The Leftovers. They want to sit passively and have their beliefs and prejudices validated. What they absolutely do not want is ambiguity or subtlety. These are the tools of the Dark One.

Why is it that some religious folks always take disdain for certain elements of their in-group as disdain for every Christian in existence? I mean, are you really going to cast your lot with the stupidest, laziest, least self-aware yahoos who happen to be riding the coat-tails of your belief system? Are you really…

What are you talking about????? We welcome His Sulphery Highness here!

All of these simultaneously. Thus is the brilliance of Left Behind. It's like an onion: Yes, it stinks but it's got soooooo many layers.

I daresay that any intelligent person of "faith" would also have nothing but contempt for the crass, lazy pandering of something like Left Behind. It does you no credit to defend the worst examples of your chosen group simply because they claim the same membership.

Give it a bit. There'll be a Rifftrax for this eventually. I'd bet money on it.

I find a dildo in MY haunted forest, whoever put it there better at least stick around for a cuddle afterward.

He who has the true, pure, perfect love of the Lord has no need of rewrites. Only atheist pussies who can't handle Perfection need multiple drafts.

I actually thought about looking for that once but amateur proctology's not my thing.

In all fairness, my friends and I also watch this idiocy and then have serious discussions afterward. Yeah, they usually run along the lines of "How incompetent was this compared to, say, Ed Wood's oeuvre?" or "Anyone else got the munchies?" but, still…