Or the stupid shit they post on Facebook or NextDoor about how everyone wants to abduct them.

That... doesn’t make any sense.

The red wave guy? I'd hope he's banned by now. Or crying into his MyPillow.

The fact Rand Paul and abortion won at the same time is everything that’s wrong with this country.

Oh please.

I feel like people with money would just talk to the actual candidate and then cut a check? 

Or maybe the reason Kate Upton is comfortable with her husband playing pro sports because Verlander doesn’t suffer from a huge inferiority complex to the point he has nothing else to exist for and is maybe in the midst of a mental health crisis. And maybe Verlander is a productive partner and father so Kate doesn’t…

And yet she still won reelection after Brett was confirmed.

And here’s the other thing a lot of people forget: manual labor is physically difficult. When we hired a team to take out two large trees, I treated them like royalty because what they were doing was so dangerous. I was terrified for them at moments.

The dental procedure with no anesthetic was when I knew it was shit. Apparently every dentist knew that as well long before Oprah did.

And even then she made it about her.

Thomas Jefferson raped his slaves on the regular while he was founding a country of equal rights and freedoms for all*.

Whenever we hire people, I always make sure they have access to our garage bathroom and we buy them lunch even if it’s not an all day job.

It only needs to be the size of a pea. But I suppose he has to have a whole inch!

Shit like this is why the monarchy will never, ever be modern in the way covered wagons will never, ever be modern.

On the bright side, I see this MAGA motherfucker is wearing a mask to mitigate the spread of disease as he’s commiting hate crimes and harassment. Flu cases and hospitalizations are up this year!

But JD Vance pursuing an Ohio Senate seat because he got poor reviews on Rotten Tomatoes is a totally mentally healthy thing to do. 

You mean Lean In lied to us? Well I never!

I hope someone reported Smigo to the state’s licensing board.

That’s why I love the NYT Pitchbot Twitter account. At one point, Matt Yglesias got very upset and whined about it. "We don't sound like that!"