The bill for my (27-hour long) induction resulting in an (eventual) vaginal birth was around $25k, and that was six years ago. I paid a $800 copay and nothing more. My HMO sometimes sucks, but at least I didn’t get dinged for all of that.

I'm sure Bey could loan her some fake bellies.

The flower girl at my wedding had perfect resting bitch face. I loved it. It’s all so absurd - coercing this small child to dress up and throw flower petals at some boring ceremony. I can't blame her one bit for being less than thrilled about it. THIS IS A STUPID TRADITION, PEOPLE.

My husband thinks Kasich looks like Harrison Ford. NOOOOooooooo... Do not sully my circa 1977 Han Solo...

I bought a “vintage” 1972 house a couple years back. Still had the original electric range. I celebrated the day we dragged that to the roll-off dumpster.

Tell that to my parents whose washer is from the early nineties and whose fridge is from 1986.

My in-laws have no etiquette when it comes to speaking one at a time. When I met my in-laws for the first time, future-MIL would ask a question, I’d begin to respond, then future-FIL would interrupt with a totally unrelated question, and I’d try to respond to both, but they would both fire off questions before I’d…

My signature for original email is name, title, company logo (req’d), phone numbers, address. My signature for reply is name and my direct phone number. Outlook lets you set it up with two signatures, it's really not that hard.

I mostly used one of those billowy covers and it is like a big red flag: boobie lunch in here! Then the kid would often yank the cover around, defeating the purpose of the stupid thing.

I’ve been in her shoes with a delayed flight and no option to pump other than the counter at the airport bathroom sink (no power elsewhere). I chose to skip pumping and ended up with clogged ducts. I’m lucky I didn’t get mastitis.

36C and 34D are like next door neighbors. There was a point in my life when I could easily waver between those two sizes depending on manufacturer. It’s when you’re off by several numbers and different end of the alphabet that’s surprising.

My nursing bra size was 38G. It's hard not to feel self conscious when you're walking around with two cantaloupes in your shirt.

3 years postpartum / 2 years post weaning and I’m still waiting. These extra 15 baby pounds are going to come off any day now. And my boobs wills stop getting saggy. Any. Day. Now.

I had a few close guy friends in college and one of them made up some bra size - like 48DDD - to describe a petite but stacked woman. Um no. I then demonstrated how bra sizes were measured by using one of the guys as a model. He was a 52AAA.

I went on a road trip through Kansas with a potty training 2-year-old who refused to even enter any truck stop or McDonald’s bathroom with an air dryer, i.e. every toilet room between Kansas City and Kanarado. (Real place, I shit you not.)

See that giant red splotch in the middle of the West? That’s where I grew up. Keepin’ it real, Utah! Yeah!

My alarm goes off at 4:20 for a 30-minute workout. I hear ya...

I’ve often wondered why this show was called “Castle” when she plays an equal starring role. Gee, I wonder if a man named it.

I was in my architecture school’s wood shop when a classmate badly cut herself on the table saw. She was cutting a thick piece of plexiglass and it kicked back at her, slicing her hand and wrist open. She was spurting blood on the floor. There were a few of us in the room at the time and sadly, nearly everyone lost…

If I text a photo of my kids to my mom, she will reply with “[Family member First name, Last name]” because she thinks by doing so, she is forwarding it to that family member. I tried to teach her how to do this properly, to no avail.