Welcome to Colorado! I hope you enjoy seeing the guy dressed up as joint advertising today’s special (usually 1/8th for $28, fyi) on your daily commute. And the grown ass adults lighting up at the public playground. And the dispensary on every block. It’s great, really.

It's not that all 40 of my hours has to be billed to a client - several hours a week are billed to overhead for office management type stuff - but there should be 40 hours on my time sheet.

Wait, wait, wait...

I want to one day be the mom who responds like this. Though it wouldn’t be a surprise; I am a cusser.

I remember getting bit at seven months, but no teeth. (Not that that felt good...) And my yelp was enough to deter her from doing that for a while. But when she tried it again - this time with teeth - that was a big fat NOPE.

Agreed. Nursing at the zoo is the best.

Both of my demon spawn - errrr I mean, lovely children - started biting at 13 months. So 12 1/2 months would have been perfect for us.

Tossing the eye makeup kills me. That shit’s expensive. Can't I throw it in an autoclave or something? Sephora should have a promo for pinkeye victims to restock.

Yes. My husband started working from home a year ago and many people asked, “oh, so are you gonna take the kids out of daycare?” His response, “no, because I’m WORKING from home.”

I was in that same predicament. Our mothers are 8 and 12 hours away, and neither of them functional enough to care for a 3-year-old anyway. DH has a cousin two suburbs away who agreed to help, so long as I didn’t go into labor on my due date since she would be on a business trip.

I didn’t know until I read the linked article that Root Down was at DIA, albeit the dreaded C concourse. Next time I have a long wait, I'll head down to that neighborhood.

Counterpoint to DIA: The service at New Belgium is slow and rude. Wolfgang Puck is my hangout. The people there are always friendly, and the food is tasty and pretty quick. And you can take the elevator directly from the train to the restaurant and skip 3 escalators.

I once asked my dad why he never went to the grocery store and instead mom always went. “I’m allergic to grocery stores,” he said. This was a perfectly logical explanation to five-year-old me.

Maybe his wee wee wanted to take a look out the window and he impatiently obliged?

When I was 24, my mom once called me six times on my cell phone and at least twice on my landline, leaving a total of four voicemails, all over the course of two hours. (I was at the gym.) All of the voicemails were of the “call me back” variety, no specifics. I feared there had been some accident or other terrible…

I work in the construction industry and I think in Gantt charts. I made my first thanksgiving Gantt chart about 5 years ago. Though mine was just scratched out on a piece of paper like a savage.

We’ve done this a few times on an 800-mile drive and have ultimately decided the risk of falling asleep at the wheel while staring at the dashed line all the way across Kansas (dash dash dash dash dash) wasn’t worth it. I’d need some sort of Clockwork Orange apparatus on my face to keep my eyes open at 3:00 in the…

That would have been fine if DH could have slept in a different bed. In which case, I may not have found myself in this predicament in the first place.

Starred for “bolt of that shit” because those are four words I never thought I’d see strung together.

Fucking snoogle. I used this when I was pregnant as well, and hated that it was almost impossible to roll over to the other side. Add to that was sharing a queen sized bed with my, ahem, rotund husband, my fat ass pregnant self, and this pillow the size of a Great Dane. Oh, and it doesn't come with a pillowcase...