I hope that you're right, but the fact that these crazies are even getting votes scares me half to death. Hopefully the majority of Americans are not blind *and* stupid.

I'm confused. "This is Obama's to lose." Does that mean Obama's going to lose? Or is my brain so filled with anxiety that I misread your comment?

I am so terrified right now that one of these absurd, brainless, Republican assclowns will be our next president. Can someone please tell me it won't happen and everything's going to be okay?

Dear god this is just horrible... I can't imagine anything more terrifying. That poor girl.

Ladies: what your man really wants is to shit on you and mutilate you with razor blades! Don't you want him to feel good??

I want to hug your dad.

It was horrifying enough (for the both of us) when my dad opened a drawer and saw my vibrator. I can't imagine being this fixated on your daughter's vagina, without having some sort of mental illness.

I named my sweet little cat Abraham. I believe that makes up for it somewhat. Perhaps we can appropriate the name to less offensive things. There really aren't enough hamsters named Osama.

I can just see him standing in front of a cracked mirror in his Gothic mansion, frantically smearing all manner of cosmetics on his face.

There's a man that absolutely hates being pretty.

Oh god the wobbling... the peeping... hnnnnngggghhhh! I will wait for science to allow for me to give birth to a baby fawn. Because god damn it, I reacted more viscerally to that clip than I ever did to one of a human infant.

Did you say something about my leggings? Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of my firm buttocks and my saucy walk.

I went through a period where I wore long gloves to hide my self-injury scars. People either admired them or were too polite to comment. Make fun of someone's jaunty hat, and you might just feel like the biggest asshole on the planet when they reveal it's covering their bald spot from chemo.

"The people that look like giant assholes are the ones that pass judgement."

First thing that came to mind.

Dear god... just a few more inches...

I did, when I worked in a bar. It was quite annoying actually, I was lucky if I got to finish two sentences before someone interrupted me. Most conversations went like this:

All together now: Whaaaaat?

I found it hilarious that when my dogs were learning to use stairs, they learned to go up before they figured out how to come down. I had one who would sit at the top and whine til I came up and carried him down - and he was a big boy. The cats never had such problems. *scratches cat belly* It's cause you're smarter…

It's the bulging neck muscles and manly scruff. Stop it, brain! Jesus can't be hot!