This just makes me hate my parents even more. All they ever gave me to play with was a rock.

This is going to be a problem. One of the April Fools tricks I'm planning on pulling on my roommate it to take a real egg, coat it in chocolate, and wrap it in colored tinfoil. If real chocolate eggs are smaller she may not fall for it.

"What was that?"

Looks legit.

Great! Now I'm hungry. Wonder if I have any soylent green left?

May have to wait till we terraform Mars. With a thicker atmosphere and Mars' lower gravity someone may pull it off?

I'd hide one of their socks every time they do laundry. Oh... wait...

Well... if the laser puts on it's resume that it's a star maker, maybe Charlie Sheen or Mel Gibson would hire it.

I think it would be awesome if a week after next Sunday they announce that they just started the fusion reaction and that it's out of control. The Earth only has one day left before it's consumed. Then at the end of the day announce a big ol' April Fools.

"Can't touch this. It's hammer time!"

Women! Sheesh!!

Damn! Now I have to go back to El Cajon Blvd to get me some luvin.

Just received my AutoTap Express DIY kit yesterday. Allows you to read engine codes and run diagnostics on 1996 and newer vehicles that are ODBII compliant. Will even tell you if your car will pass smog. It instantly found the error code on my '96 Ranger and told me where the problem was. The Ford dealer said they…

I have a much easier method of pouring a Guinness.

I was planning on being a janitor when I grew up but now I want to be a space hobo.

Yeah... but what happens when the janitor hits the switch to what he thinks are the lights, turns out to be the power to the superconducting cable holding up the tube?

Hmmm... seems to me Aubrey de Grey is right. Even if mankind does cure aging and we end up with a possible lifespan of 1000 years, people will still die from pure stupidity. Now excuse me while I tie my skateboard up to my buddy's motorcycle and try to break the land speed record over gravel.

Ahh zombies! This era's mongol horde?

What a coinkydink! I'm watching the Dark Shadows Revival Series right this very moment on Hulu. Lot cheaper than shelling out $600 I tell ya. Moves at a faster pace too.

I'm installing it in a virtual machine. If I like it I'll add it to one of my machine backups. That way I won't need to reinstall this program later. If I need a new fresh system I'll just restore that backup with the program already activated. Hopefully this program, along with something like DVD43 will allow me to…