I grew up in the ‘burbs in Maine and my sister had just started sort of dating this super cute boy before HS graduation. At graduation, our grandmother was delighted to see her cousin; his grandmother (making my sister and the boy third cousins, I believe). My sister was very upset to learn this, particularly since…

My friend’s husband’s parents (or grandparents?) are married cousins, and it was a two sisters marry two brothers deal so the cousins are all double cousins too. Far as I know there are no issues their, but hell they’re Orthodox Jews and we’re the people who get genetic testing as a matter of course ‘cause of all the…

My God, she certainly does. I am so judged here.

OOOH! I have almost no plans whatsoever! But if you drive in ... does that mean you can’t have any beer?

Before I went on stage I used to pour beer on my body [as an adhesive] then roll in a bathtub full of glitter.

Woody Allen: forever that “artsy” guy in your history class who wears a jacket with leather patched elbows (from Goodwill) and insists he’s never even heard of popular music.

Sometimes I make her wear the Hat Of Suck.

Mr Fusspot, on the other hand, has no truck with scofflaws. Harrumph.

pirates 1 was the apex of the depp and afterwards the rapid, rapid descent began

I just sat and stared into space for about a full minute thinking about this. Cancel my plans for the day.

OH SHIT

It’s disgusting is what it is. If I was dying of thirst in the desert and the only thing to drink was kombucha, I would drink my own urine instead. But if I was dying of thirst in the desert and the only things to drink were kombucha and yerba mate, and I couldn’t pee, I would drink the kombucha.

I want to live in this world where everything’s mass produced and clean and simple and they drink house chablis and play day spa jazz and all the decor is pastel and it’s always 1988-1992.

YOU GUYS I have a friend that has done some modeling and he was on the cover of a romance novel! It currently has 45 reviews on Amazon and this lovely plot summary:

I had cause recently to change my voter affiliation to Republican (I’m most decidedly NOT a Republican, but the reasons were good, I promise). When I mentioned it to my parents over dinner while visiting them, my dad silently stood up, took my plate of food off the table, and fed it to their dog.

You know nothing, Jon Snow.

I feel like I want to crowdfund an army and go take over his Virginia home, overthrowing him and his heir. Nothing bloody; we’d just strong-arm them into the street, change the locks, and let them watch me making myself at home: watching Netflix on their flat-screen, eating their food, etc.

This is just icky. Heaton sounds like a white privilege nightmare. Why couldn’t he just claim his own backyard in Virginia as a kingdom and give his daughter a princess party like a normal dad?