“I feel like seven seasons should be the max for a sitcom.”

I think naming a character “Alotta Vagina” does more than enough to justify the existence of the first Austin Powers movie. That’s an excellent joke.

Everyone involved in this story (racer who kept bumping, captain rage quit, and the people talking shit on twitter) are the worst kind of bitch babies. This is exactly why I don’t play any PVP online games. 

“I want to believe her,”

Not gonna lie, I thought it was the guy from Vampire Weekend. 

I was not expecting this article to provoke responses from multiple Freddie Prinze Jr fans. 

I’m pretty disappointed to learn that Shawn Mendes is a young man and not a woman Shawn singer like Shawn Colvin. 

“So Jezebel is in the “Property is Theft” camp now?”

Yet they derive income from selling ad space. 

“Never in my life would I have imagined we would one day be able to look up topless pictures of the FLOTUS on the Internet.”

“what is up with the guy in the short suit?”

Barack is like, “uhh would you look at this pope? You would think it’s uhh too small to be pope, but there it is. This is very funny.”

That’s a real kick in the plums. I can’t imagine the pain his family is experiencing. 

I tried to do this after reading Harriet the Spy, but we lived in a fairly wooded area and the neighbors’ homes were too far away to be able to see anything from my home (and my mom wouldn’t let me go peer in their windows) so I had to resort to making up events for my spy journal. It was a short lived hobby.

Calling Flavor Flav a Stepin Fetchit doesn’t seem like the sort of thing that one might do for a prank, but I don’t know their friendship. 

“...especially tripping over yourself to perform how much you dislike it. Talk about bad acting.”

Bro, this was written. 

“I and my friends were a part of “The Organ Trail Generation,”


You played the 2011 Oregon Trail zombie parody game as children?

I’ve always loved Wario because it’s nice to see some representation for people with my body type. 

Me too. I miss the simple ritual of taking the Lawrence Ave bus to my preferred grocery store.

My cat likes to nap on/in my smelly second day jeans when they’re on the floor, but never when I’m wearing them.  

My cat hates being held. My wife says it’s because I keep picking him up and singing 1970s country songs right in his stupid fucking face, but I’m not sure there’s any evidence to back that theory.