Rob Gronkowski: I like to think I put the “bro” in “abortion”.

Why do you guys keep using what is obviously a stock photo that came up under a search for “doofus businessman” or something instead of an actual photo?

he’s too busy donating a literal million dollars, and his time, to organizations that do real, good work.

Alternately, the Democratic party could feel kinda bad for putting the second-most disliked canddiate in history against the most-disliked candidate in history...

C’mon. They’re still 17-27, man. There’s nothing unfair about calling a 17-27 team a dog. I notice you’re not objecting to my using that term to describe the Nuggets, who not only have a better record than the Sixers but would be in the playoffs if they started today.

Late last year I was sitting at a bar in the Jacksonville airport. An old man sat down on the stool next to me, and proclaimed/asked, “I don’t drink, can I get a diet coke?” I was down a few large beers at the time and gave into him wanting to strike up a conversation. ESPN was on TV, and he kept interjecting with…

oh, but ask them about their kids and they won’t shut the fuck up about him picking the apples for his own applesauce at his Montessori school.

It happens in a lot of families. Happened to me actually. You achieve some measure of success and the rest of your lazy, stupid, embittered family hates you for it.

I heard that her teeth were so dirty, cars slowed down when she smiled. Also, she was so dumb, she asked Derrick Rose to take the ACT for her.

Lena Dunham’s period has lasted 13 days.

Proud of my city. I have some great Chargers-related memories, but good riddance to the Spanos family.

lol they deleted it tonight

I eat peanut shells, sunflower seed husks, AND kiwi skins and I vote.

“Help me!”

I used to work security at concerts while in college back in the mid 90's, which was odd considering I’m not a big guy. It was me, my even smaller brother, and a few dozen huge fucking guys who played football at SU.

But you can write some shitty words and call it a comment.

Seeing as how this website did not exist in the 1970s, probably not.

I find everything about Rex Ryan to be hilarious and whimsical, but this feels, I don't know, dark. It has a Greek tragedy feel to it that makes me uncomfortable. Oedipal isn't the right term, but something close to that.