If you only knew it was for a night of unbridled passion you would upgrade this from full ick to projectile vomit status.

Thank you, Mr. President!

I don’t want to run afoul of these tampering rules so I’m afraid you’ll have to address questions of these types to my attorney 

Hate to break it to you, but...the Bernoulli Effect is a factor but it’s only responsible for a fraction of the lift generated. The rest comes from airplane faeries.

The Uncut Gems franchise really didn't hit its stride until Uncut Gems 3: Leather Tools and Family Jewels.

Judging by their play in Weeks 2 and 3, it’s likely the Eagles would be 0-3 if Gruden hadn’t sabotaged his own team by making AP a healthy scratch.

I'll take 'throwing the whole mess in the Potomac and pretending it never happened' for $400, Alex.

That or verbally call it out.

And I'd like to see a reporter snap and beat Belichick into a coma

Iiiiiiiiiiiiin West Philadelphia

When pressed for solutions on how he’s going to fix his kicker problems, Arians responded brusquely, “We’re not going to yell and scream at him. We are going to support Matt and gently focus on converting extra points and field goals with him this week in practice. It’s Gay Conversion Therapy all next week.” *mic cuts…

   Things are tough for the Broncos when their GM is their biggest neigh-sayer.

The racial slurs are a little dubious. I find it hard to believe there was a person of color within a mile of the stadium.

So, to summarize, Robert Kraft gave Antonio Brown a full release. No one else sees the irony?

I’m glad the Patriots have finally acknowledged how hard I’ve busted my hump at work the past 11 days. 

this is the NFL. He may take some time off but he’ll play again.

As a sidenote, that gratitude over the 11 days worth of hard work is so passive-aggressive that it is awesome.

What the fuck is wrong with you!?

Your country’s population is half redneck/imbecile and/or Jesus extremists. Goodluck to you in 2020.

Fun fact: My hero Greta Thunberg has Aspberger’s syndrome (true story), which in this case she uses as a superpower, cause Greta has zero fux to give.