I’m sorry. Both of mine were not super complicated but both births had umbilical cords around their necks (weird) which meant a lot of monitoring and protracted labor/manually dilating cervix/shitty shit shit. I understand feeling overwhelmed... my husband got snipped asap after #2... this shit is rough, it is really…

Yeah, the way she said that is weird. “I didn’t know how not to do that.” What? How about, “No thanks, dude.”

“There isn’t anything...special...in this brownie, is there?”

Sometimes, Youtube comments hit that sweet spot.

I would think that nothing could be grosser than actually having sex with Kanye West.

If you talk to your OB, there arepre-natals that come with stool softeners, and also ask if you can have colace. I was always miserably constipated.

Ohhhhh maaaaaaan the constipation. I was pregnant once and had that extreme morning sickness where you feel like the foetus is trying to kill you from the inside. But nothing compared to the agony of the constipation.

She used to know how to say David Bowie before she died.

I was going to write something sympathetic about the KK pregnancy blurb. But you know what, that 30 showers bullshit I read yesterday really pissed me off. I know SHE didn’t say it but, trust me, when Mr. Needlessly-Defiant says something stupid I call him on that shit. So Kim, you’ve lost the support of a random…

I had one easy one (I chalk it up to being super young), one super horrible one (puked for 8.5 months like Princess Kate) and a 10lb baby. If the last one had been the first, he’d have been an only. Puking for 8.5 months was easier than pushing him out.

Man, preach Kim K! I’m only 8 weeks pregnant and this shit sucks. I feel hungry, I eat, then I feel like shit. I think maybe it’s better to just be hungry, then I feel like shit. I am in a perpetual state of feeling like shit. I also can’t poop. Which means not only do I feel like shit, but I’m full of shit. And when…

The name “Avril Lavigne” and the words “music” or “song” should never be used in the same sentence together.

Maaaan, half of today’s American-born high school graduates cannot write in American English. It’s getting really hard to tell the scammers from the regular stupid people anymore.

Or the fact that it was clearly written by an ESL individual? I mean, it’s better than most, but “how beautiful your picture?” “Do you know where?” These are probably not phrases written by someone in Aberdeen. I’m not saying scammers are always foreign, but when the command of English is tenuous and the name is as…

instead of being angry, Elrod appears to just want to know if her scammer ever really loved her.

Bonus points if you’re a man.

Oh BCO. You are my only respite from this preschool field trip I am currently at.

“I’m taking it one step at a time and not expecting anything,” he says. As far as going public with his long-held secret? “I’m at the age where I really don’t care. Since I hit 40, I don’t care what people think or do.”