Yeah, knowing teenage boys, that'd be a fucking shitty design.

Actually, my son is imaginary, so I wouldn’t say he’s “precious” so much as “the product of speculation and a little unmanaged generalized anxiety disorder.”

i once tore the webbing under my tongue from licking pussy too hard

I’ve made the same mistake in the sexy haiku. The funniest part was my wife’s reaction. She’d be into it and then say, “Man, its really getting warm down there,” which lead to “it’s REALLY warm down there,” to “OW! WTF IS GOING ON,” to “DID YOU HAVE YOUR GHOST PEPPER SALSA AGAIN” to her punching me in the side of the…

“The busboy jimmied the lock open with a credit card, which he was apparently skilled at.”

One more for you, even though it’s too late for this post. One of my good friends was banging this girl in standing doggy with her hands up against the wall. He starts to slow down and she takes her hands off the wall right as he decided to thrust really hard. He bounced her head off the wall and knocked her out and…

I take my Poop Medicine in coffee form.

Maybe we should stop looking for logic in it and call them out. It’s “code”. When they get government assistance, or when businesses do, it’s right and good. When black people or Hispanics get it: it’s a handout, “free stuff”, it’s pretty much of the devil, to hear them talk about it.

It’s pretty rich that he’s touting “earned success” when both his father and brother have already been president. If only all of us could have such great “bootstraps.”

I don’t understand why people in North America are afraid of house spiders. They just want to be your friend.

no i am not clicking that goddamn link

we almost didn’t post it because we were so embarrassed so thank you

THE BLACKS LOVE ME. Especially when I call them “the blacks.”

“Why, some of my best friends are—”

Oh you mean all that “Free Stuff” that we all pay into?

Ha! It reminds me of this meme that showed up on my facebook feed yesterday.

Absolutely agree. I’ve drooled over Meryl’s kitchen in “It’s Complicated” ever since I saw that movie and will watch it every time I catch it just to gather more details about her house. Never could understand why she wanted anything more (other than to introduce Steve Martin into the picture). I just figured it was a…

Meryl Streep’s kitchen bothered me so much because it is MAGNIFICENT yet a key plot line in the movie was how much she hated it. I would harm people to have that kitchen. Sigh.

Same, apparently, but that question with the GOP candidates almost made me walk away.