So does this mean that this is or isn't the time to tell you I was actually approached by the producers to feature my wonderfully horrifying story? (I could not say no fast enough)

Here's the thing about Fark: despite my obvious lack of penis, I never feel unsafe there. It's absolutely disgusting that I can't say the same for a women-centric site, and to force the writers to moderate every hateful comment STILL shows a lack of care staggering even to me (and I work in entertainment!).

They are firing rubber bullets and tear gas into peaceful neighborhoods. OH YEAH, IT'S THE PROTESTORS THAT AREN'T PEACEFULLY ASSEMBLING ANYMORE. SURE.

You're not truly a fan until you ingest a bit of what you love.

I feel incredibly grateful that I have never heard if that until now, and that my husband and I stood firm against doing a dollar dance, which is just as gross.

In my mind, this is how she finally got that pony and went on a trip around the world.

I have to know: did she ever really need it and HOW DID SHE USE IT?

It's what Jesus wants, Mark (believe me, I know. Just sayin').

No, see, you have to believe him because he's from LA! It's even in his name!

Mostly the secrets of the universe and their thoughts on the latest and greatest in M Theory.

That is a very precise measurement of fucks and I'd like to buy that calibrater off you for a very reasonable amount.

It cracks me up because it's so thoroughly nonsensical. The one veggie sandwich they have is pretty good, though.

Really? Gosh, they say such nice things about you.

Mayhaps? The Captain and I are thinking about moving in a year or so.

TRUFAX.

Hi, Gawker Media is a for profit business. Have we met?

Cake donuts or dough doughnuts? Because I can't stand the cake ones, so the occasional Boston Cream Pie doughnut was definitely my jam in college - it was like funnel cake with cream and chocolate. :)

Noooooooooooooo! Bring your French press to Casa de Smithwell so we can have cawfee tawk!

I was a poor college student - not eating in restaurants. Mostly this was in the dorms and visiting my friends around the state.

They infuse it with magic and commercialism.