I know I'm trending suburban white soccer mom, but I'm not THAT vanilla yet.

BUH DUM SHHHHHHHH!

But it has to said in a whisper and with suggestively waggling eyebrows.

I legitimately snorted at this. GOOD SHOW!

Well, if it's in the bylaws, I really have no choice, do I?

"So, like...does this mean we can have a threesome with a 3-series?"

The golf fell off the list because my husband and I want something that could potentially cart spawn around, so our top two right now are the Forrester or the CR-V - I'll definitely ask about model year end specials; I hadn't even thought of that! Thank you!

No one could POSSIBLY like Subarus AND Mazdas! YOU MUST BE ONE OR THE OTHER. STOP CONFUSING US.

Well, as a bisexual woman who is currently looking at new cars (no, seriously, I am), all of the cars that I've been considering are either on the lesbian or the gay list. Does this mean I get a special rebate?

Well, just hang out with me more. I am a weirdness magnet.

HAHAHA - c'mon, you've met me in person. You know I'm a big ol' mushball. The manager offered to comp our meal, but we said that it wasn't necessary and that it didn't make sense for us not to pay the restaurant because one of their servers was a drug dealer.

Man, they have no respect for the art. Obvious humor is obvious.

It could be an incredibly brilliant long-play game of mariticide. This idea pleases me.

Something tells me you've never worked in any service position.

Those precocious deaths are terribly adorable in how they seem so grown up before their time - and so mature for their age! Unlike precipitous deaths , which happen so suddenly.

I accept my punishment with evil grace.

oh damn. I'm going to get kicked out of the super villain club now for revealing trade secrets, huh?

Yes. Oh my fuck, YES. I'm basically at the point where I'm practically saying to people, "Hey, here's something that will surprise people: how about not being an asshole for a day?"

You complete me.

Next Sunday, I'm going to think of "angry, smiling Old Testament God" at completely inappropriate moments and probably start snorting and giggling when I'm supposed to be kneeling or something.