This is the Twitter equivalent of hitting a hard 18 in Blackjack, pulling a 3, and then telling everyone else at the table it was statistically the right move because you got 21.

What?

Why does every question confuse the absolute hell out of Marchman for a solid 10 seconds?

Mythological Punishment Counterpoint: Actually, the boulder that Sisyphus carried up the hill every day was a wheel.

Nala - “I’m too sexy for this car, too sexy for this car.”

I eagerly await the new pushrod v8 rear wheel drive Camry coupe!

Go suck on that R32 exhaust bitch. Also fondle some concrete numbers.

You shit on everyone’s suggestions and then come here and post this - fucking shocker.

Barry Petchesky: “The writer driven idea that length is tantamount to quality”

who cares? 20 years ago and he was 1 of 30 mentioned in the original lawsuit. He mooned a nurse and he paid for it. I quit caring decades ago. This isn’t news worthy

Ronaldo is definitely smirking. He is always smirking. He has permasmirk, brought on by sustaining years and years of nearly fatal levels of self-satisfaction. If you see Ronaldo NOT smirking, it is either a) a careful arrangement of facial musculature to conceal the smirk beneath, or b) a sign of the end times.

I feel sorry for Dellavedova’s chairs, couch legs, and pillows if he’s unable to partially relieve built-up tension during NBA games.

Mayo probably has a future in coaching if he wants it

This apology is like olive oil—I’m not buying it because I don’t understand what first cold press means and also why does it cost so much and how can there be a difference between Italian and Greek olive oil if it is solely made from the extract of olives? And another thing, if you get olive oil on your shirt? You…

I’ll go back and read the article, but first: That picture, dude. Jesus tap-dancin’ Christ.

I couldn’t read the entire article, I think I have ADHD.

“... professional dunker Jordan ...”

He was practically Levi®tating

Finally, the external facing claymores we’ve been asking for.

/Messi completes simple pass