I disagree! The only people going to hell are those who make less than 100k/year. And filthy Catholics.

It used to be a euphemism for having unexpectedly exhausting, sweaty sex with someone from West Virginia while being bitten by mosquitos and avoiding poison oak. So in a way, that's kind of a step up.

The funniest part is that despite being held as the least talented member of NWA, he seemed to the be only one who lived a pre-fame life that was anywhere close to their brand image.

All of this. I've long noticed similar patterns of "polite" racism among white folks. (Note - as a white human, I've had the dubious gift of consistently seeing this stuff up close and unfiltered.)

Mystical Sword of Boy Band Vanquishing? If there's anyone who can bestow this knowledge and save us all, it's The Archmage of the Aether.

To quote the great W. Sobchak, "17 year-olds, dude."

Yeah, that was my thought. I figured this guy has to be singing like a musical considering the sentence. The only other alternative is his money allowed him to get the most expensive, pedantic group of asshole lawyers to exploit every possible technical/legal snag in his favor. And the latter is too much to think…

Like most self-respecting caucasians, I went to college in Massachusetts. We would regularly hop into NH to shore up on a trunk full of booze at the beginning of any given semester and still magically save money considering the dollars spent on gas.

Yeah, but I can't get pictures of Natalie Dormer just by leading a spiritual retreat, can I?

I'm not the only one getting that paid distribution? Thank god! I was worried I was seeing that because of… my… um…

The longstanding rumors surrounding Fred Armisen boil down to (in so few words): "Funny guy; callous asshole with women."

Eazy E getting musically overshadowed by Dre/Cube seemed like the perfect setup for a generation of rappers who exaggerated or flat-out fabricated street cred during their rise to the top. It always stood out to me how the more talented rappers and producers often stayed the hell away from serious crime, or were at…

This is an account with a pseudo-cool angsty/"menacing" sounding username like they're a 2002-era nu-metal band, the confederate flag for an avatar, a comment that's only vaguely relevant to the article in question, and inane spam.

Oh god, no. He was actually kind of a chubby individual around when The Chronic was released. Then he got skinnier as the 90s wore on. Then he hit middle age and the 'roids came out. It's been a weird ride for the Physique of Dre.

OH THE HUMANITY

Basically. It's a magical place where there's a Dunkin Donuts on every block and Matt Damon is doing an exaggerating Bahston accent in perpetuity.

Oh jesus, I just realized I missed a pop culture reference there. What form of penance do I need to take to absolve myself of my AVClub sins? Reciting Simpsons references? Trimming Dikachu's nose hair?

I'm guessing you originally meant "profane", because if not then I just imagined Johnny Depp lighting all of Southie on fire.

Yeah, I'm really looking forward to this. It looks like a stellar cast all around, and I always thought Serious Johnny Depp was the best Johnny Depp. (As opposed to Not Really Navajo Johnny Depp, or Ersatz Englishman Johnny Depp.)

That's probably it. People on one side of my family both aged slowly and were non-smoking teetotalers to boot, and all of them looked a decade younger than their years starting in their late 30s.