I’m just happy my teachers of yore aren’t up all night kicking themselves over their wildly inaccurate predictions. My teachers were blunt, yes, but chill. Except for that one in second grade who was way too into the tornado/nuke drills, and also stole my entire GPK collection.

Sam’s eat/shit/scrub/heave montage was like a Pink Floyd video directed by Darren Aronofsky.

...you hopped around and bit people in the shins?

First the Liberty Bell, now this. The whole point of owning a cat is that they’re relatively unmessy. Keep on fucking up, Philly.

Have you ever seen brown snow? Have you ever seen a guy get curbstomped for randomly chainsawing down your neighbor’s mailbox at 3am? 10 days in Houston always takes six to eight weeks.

My teachers told me I’d wind up flipping burgers for the rest of my life. They nailed it.

Fuck. I knew that was too obvious. And I don’t care enough to come up with proper prosthetic freak thumbs.

I’m not sure that law applies where Trump’s been referenced in the article’s second sentence.

I have no experience in journalism whatsoever, and I haven’t played videogames competitively since Battlefield: Vietnam, but I filled out an application anyway. You never know!

Comparing broadcast standards with print is kinda like comparing a gratuitous battle thong to a Volleyball swimsuit.

That’s technically correct, but as a multi-billion dollar Disney adjunct, it’s compelled to avoid pushing the boundaries of the status quo (of 1960). A glance over the list of Disney’s properties is a uniform exhibit of milquetoast shit.

Poor quality is the very essence of B&B. Starred for visible RCA cables.

There are red “MAKE GOLF GREAT AGAIN” hats. But the bulk of the products on the site are parodies of golf brand Titleist.

Fortunately for ESPN, that DLC skin exists (and an ESPN employee actually knew about it). Altering a game to suit local sensibilities isn’t exactly a new phenomenon—Wolf3D in Deutschland comes to mind—but it’s on a whole new level with massive financial stakes involved. Baffling that ESPN hadn’t thought this through…

I loved actually playing basketball as a youngster, but it wasn’t until my late teens that I ever became interested in the NBA, thanks to Jason Kidd. How good was Kidd? RICHARD JEFFERSON AND VINCE CARTER ARE STILL IN THE LEAGUE. This kid reminds me of that Kidd, is what I’m saying, at risk of grouping myself with…

If broadcast standards won’t allow it, perhaps ESPN could cover esports in print form?

The “Lucky” one here is the FWPD detective who gets to handle this. Talk about a job doing itself.

Other People’s Pancakes

Meanwhile, an MLB subsidiary has a $300m broadcasting deal with a rival game tourney. Hmm.

Pass