Years ago, I dated a girl who had a tradition of going to dinner with her parents on Sunday evenings. After a few dates, I was asked to join her for her Sunday dinner out with her parents. We met them at the restaurant, and her father, who had what my wife calls a "punch me face", made a pissy comment about us being 5…

I legit slipped on a fresh banana peel once and went ass over teakettle. I know, Mythbusters says they're not slippery but I DID. It was pure cliche slapstick comedy, and even though my ego was probably the most bruised thing it was just so fucking ridiculous it counts as the dumbest.

I like Australians. I like Canadians, too, I just piss them off because I say mean things about Tim Hortons (which is funny, because excluding French Canada — which deserves it — I've never said anything mean about Canada, just Tim Hortons). I mean, I would never go to Australia, but that's not because of the people,…

Flat white can only achieve it's optimum flavor profile when served in an engraved coffee thermos.

a weeping willow because it was so awful that I cried

I think they probably aren't paying this guy enough, he's just so good at being Gaston.

Is the ranch dressing served in a monogrammed coffee thermos by an aggressive Italian waiter who wants to eat all your bread unless the Russian patriarch can save it first?