The best part of that post...

Well, I walked to and from school every day starting when I was six, so resplendent.mom is clearly a hardened criminal.

You lose credibility when you attempt to argue that the word threat only means credible threat. He threatened it. You don't think the threat was credible, and you may have a point (although his later "I'm going to come to your place of business" tweet undermines your position), but that doesn't erase the threat.

I rarely do this, but read the fucking article.

I made no mention of the Ukraine crash here, because it's completely unrelated... I'm not sure what you're talking about?

an impossibly obese woman sitting on an examining table, while alongside it was a dialogue between the woman, who insisted that she was healthy because of the internet, and her doctor, who was trying to explain that she is incredibly obese and needs to lose weight.

RIGHT?!?!?!?!? Stick them all in a replica of Barbie's Dream House and watch them Barbie it up. They would be infinity billion times more interesting than the stupid Kardashians.

Are they sure they really want to start this? A Barbie fight will only end with a giant six-year-old grabbing them each by the legs and smashing them into each other until she gets bored or it's snack time.

BREAKING NEWS: I saw the human Ken Doll out at Progress Bar during Pride a couple of weekends ago here in Chicago. He had a shirt cut down to his sternum and I could not stop staring at his faux pecs. His fecs, if you will. Related news: I was very sad that I recognized him. I've been watching too many things like My…

No, seriously, wtf is Joyce Carol Oates talking about?

This is a real photograph? Is she attempting to smile?

Prove it dude. Let's see some pics of your wife.

Don't know how you guys walk around with those weird things between your legs.

Is funny because you take girl much more attractive than most and pretend you too good for her! Implying women who don't look like supermodels are ugly is hilarious!

Fucking Donald Trump. That old sack of accounting books from the 80s bound together with imitation 90s Chinese Laundry shoe leather needs to pipe fucking down now.

I will never understand why Jessica Simpson became the body issues punching bag for every tabloid in the world. She's a knockout and has pretty much always looked like a knockout, I can detect no real difference between her and all the other female celebrities that apparently aren't deserving of this degree of insane…

"As a joke, [her fiancé Eric Johnson] told her, 'if I wanted to be with a running back, I would have dated someone from my team! You're starting to remind me of one of the guys.'"

When my kid asks me where babies come from, I'm just going to say "When a man and a woman love each other very much, the woman puts her hand on her stomach. Then a stranger takes a picture and publishes it. That's how a woman gets pregnant."

See, the sandwich was the only thing in the whole article that sounded pretty good to me.

I was really hoping this was a combo of Sex and Contortionist. Woh woh.