It sounds like Average Anna has a pretty good time until she gets married and has kids.  That was obviously her mistake.

Agree Crisp Ratt for t he win

Crisp Rat is, indeed, the most important takeaway from this entire post.

I was like really, Megan, REALLY? More about these two? Right at the top? But then I read “Crisp Rat” which I don’t recall ever reading before and it KILLED me. Worth it!

I feel like he’s still expressing too much shock for this.

This is an important addition to this piece. Thank you!

While it is true that turtles evolved from a diapsid ancestor their skulls do not show the fenestra typical of a modern reptilian skull. For this reason they were long classified as anapsids. Jeff Bezos, to the extent his shaved cranium resembles that of a turtle, would be an anapsid-looking diapsid.

I hate to win pissing contest two weeks in a row, but if “I want to fuck you where you fart” isn’t a winner, then I don’t know what is. 

I guy I had been casually seeing once texted me a picture of another man’s junk and asked “Do you want some of me?” I texted back asking why he was sending me pictures of another man’s more impressive dick. I didn’t hear anything back from him after that. 

I got one a year ago, and it was a link to a porn video accompanied by “thought you’d like this.” I asked why and he replied, “it reminds me of u.” I hadn’t heard from this guy in over 6 months and I haven’t slept with him since 2012.

Yeah, I’ve heard a lot of arguments that PTO should be segregated into vacation and sick days because otherwise it encourages people to come to work sick.

Three hours and nobody came?

I have to make a conscious effort to not emulate the accents and speaking patterns of the places I live because it reads pretentious, even when it’s not intended. 

I moved to Harlem 15 years ago, ahead of the other colonizers where I fell in love the with the neighborhood, people said I was CRAZY to live up here.  I kept my mouth shut and stayed out of everyone’s business, and never had a single problem.  10 years later,  I was followed by a wave a white people who seemed…

She should have been on Rock of Love with Bret Michaels:

It is completely ridiculous to rank Chris Pine ahead of Chris Hemsworth. However, he is a worthy second for sure.

I’ve loved Chris Messina since he was on Six Feet Under, but I wonder if he’s on the same level fame-wise as the other Chrises. He has never starred in a superhero movie. Can just any old Chris be on this list? Counterpoint: Chris Pratt sucks, so I’m not gonna argue with Messina taking his spot.

Journaling is my most commonly failed resolution. I have several nice journals with one long entry a few smaller sporadic entries and then a shopping list or two until it is abandoned.

Bumble sucks, actually all dating apps sucks