It’s so fast, so very, very fast. Dare I say, pre-instantly is mythopoetically fast!

Sriracha and buttholes

Sounds like she’s a for reals succubus.

+3 reichs

I am having a really hard time with it all because I feel an undeniable truth of this week is that the odds one of my daughters is assaulted has just measurably increased via validation of horseshit behavior and rhetoric. This is unshakably sad. But that won’t do them any good...so for them, this:

+1 PURE ZEITGEIST!

Neither my wife nor I ever discussed it with my 5 year old. Yet she came home from school telling me that if Trump wins he is going to make her mexican classmates go back to mexico. This shit went down on the playground at recess with Kinder-2nd grade age kids. They hear shit all over the damn place and soak it up.

Sorry diphole, but you are wrong. I very lightly discussed the election with my 7 year old because she had asked, and to her all I said was that I thought Trump was disrespectful to women and minorities, no further details. I do not tell my kids how to think.

#selffellaterssaywhat

My trust for Ben Affleck and movie scripts can be summed as follows:

I am a (borderline raging) liberal from Portland, OR and my Friday night plans include reading Harry Potter to my 5 and 7 yr old daughters and painting my shotgun in a camouflage pattern (hunt to eat!).

+1 recess ladies’ breast

“Running the math, just for your lungs, for every 49 cigarettes you smoke, you get one new DNA mutation.”

Ironically, I worked one summer a couple miles from Coleman, WI at a 10,000 acre private sportsman’s club for rich Chicago lawyers and financiers that was staffed by a large number of 1st generation Polish immigrants.

There is a good Trump barb in there somewhere but I can’t quite put my finger on it. Deadspin…

+1 Cooter joke without writing “Cooter”!

This headline is in dire need of a NSFW tag.

I get writers block when I try to ask you questions. Is that a sign that I should embrace my occupationally-chemist self, or a sign that maybe I’m actually a writer at heart?

When making faulty puns, it’s best to epicenter yourself and be more uplifting.

Can you please recommend changing the font of the author’s name below the headline? Everytime I see an article by you I swear it says “Girl Nathan” and it is mentally distracting. Only momentarily though! Generally, I enjoy your posts. Cheers.

Much more importantly, how in the hell does a 10 year olds face get on a giant grown “man’s” head? Seriously, that face would be right at home on a head nearly half that size!!! It drives me crazy.