This is timely. I have been stressing the fuck out to the point that I can’t even build a playlist, so I put “Swing out Sister” into Pandora and just let it go. It goes pretty good for a while, but then all of a sudden it gives me Sting and I’m like, “FUCK YOU PANDORA YOU DON’T KNOW ME AT ALL”

I tore open my scrotum and my left ball hung outside of my body. I saw my testicle.

My gym is pretty gay and there’s these straight guys that come in and work out in their street clothes. It’s weird as fuck. I think it’s because they don’t want gay dudes to see their weenies in the lockerroom.

And you can tell by looking at them that those apples are mealy as fuck.

I bet her therapist hates her, too.

I hate your mom.

Oh my god. Did you go to prom with Fred Savage of The Wonder Years? I am 100% jealous.

Beast and Logan? Blogan? Blogan!

But, c’mon, they have to be punished for sex SOMEHOW.

That’s so Margaret Atwood.

In fairness, we don’t know what he said to her first.

Fuck that noise.

Psssssht. I guarantee he says “porn” instead of “pornography”, so he can fuck right off.

Would bang.

It feels like eating a cigarette butt off the sidewalk. (Non-menthol.)

Dude is straight-up the guy from My Chemical Romance.

“Not true,” say experts. (Experts: Me, who blew his HS science teacher a few years after graduation.)

In fairness, so did Rory. And Lorelai. Also Luke. Christopher...

SRSLY. She doesn’t have a forehead, she has a twohead.

I feel that this is the same way the man-bun started. Like it was a goof and the first guy that did it is just sitting in a corner somewhere mumbling, “...it was a joke, guys...just a joke...I was only kidding...” over and over.