What Time Does The Winners And Losers Of Super Bowl LIII Start?

Jann Wenner and Lorne Michaels seem like they’d be great pals.

In case you are unsure, and you don’t want to look it up, “athwart” is how Mike Tyson pronounces “asswart”.

I don’t understand the narrative that people doubted this team could win. I don’t think anyone doubted that. I think far more people were resigned to that fact, disgusted by the inevitability, but no one doubted it.

Everyone seems to be missing an even greater issue with the Patriots winning last night; the Rams losing brought the people of St. Louis immense joy. Unforgivable 

Did you know that in the native Eskimo language there are 40 different words for the Patriots fucking suck?

Too lazy to grow a real crop

Clearly Brady sees Kraft as his father-figure. 

Super Bowl XOXO

You know how your sometimes fart so hard you feel a little wetness between your buttcheeks? That’s your post 

We have solved so many of our nations problems with more problems.

I do actually feel pretty bad for all the corn farmers because..........

Fuck that, ruin everyone's day! Mount some piano wire to a surface, wrap it around your neck, glue your hands to your head and jump. When people find you it will look like you pulled your own head off.

Because they see drug addiction as a moral failing instead of a medical emergency. Plus they’re assholes. 

I see what you did there.  One of the worst things I've seen Trump do (it's a long list) was make fun of and mimic a journalist's disability while his son Barron is disabled.  Not even his own son's disability can give him an ounce of empathy for others with disabilities.  He's a sociopath.

Make Futból Bueno Again

You really can't tell that it's a mocking headline meant to satirize a position Trump held when it was convenient?

Being condescended to by a Remora dressed in a hoodie but sometimes wearing a suit is ludicrous and displeasing. We understand very clearly how your systems work, you wanker, but we are currently short of alternatives.

because like almost everything else on twitter, it is compressed garbage.