Point of contention: we are actually terrible at stabbing. That’s why all the guns. And penises.

Well Jesus was the first American, so that time line fits pretty good

Japan may not have a lot of guns, but we don’t have an Emperor sitting on a Chrysanthemum Throne taxing our tea with an iron hand.

“makes a hail mary”

“My mouth was hacked!”

“Make room down there, female Trump voters!”

REYKJAVIKNAROK!!

You should probably continue to keep Gresham isolated, though. Better safe than sorry.

I guess I don’t need to watch the episode now :(

There might not have been an actual kristallnacht, but there may be a few Ana Francos in the near future.

I wouldn’t even pretend to be up on all the great Trump put downs? but that is exquisite

Wanna keep politics out of sports? Ban the anthem

Seacrest and I were chubby beaver brothers, apparently. Only he had glasses, and I had super greasy hair.

Thanks for your service.

Stiff lower lip FTW

Looks like that arc of moral history picked up a little breeze in its sails after all these doldrums. Let’s savor it!

We know we’re not s’posed to man shame, but there ain’t enough pancake on the planet to cover the palpably hi-def amounts of polonium-fearing flop sweat beading on the crown of that fivehead. No quarter, traitorface

God has a funny way of killing them all and sorting them all out later.