I just wanted to say thank you for this. I just can’t stop laughing! ROFLMBO! Also, for some strange reason, I was singing your song to the tune of Achy Breaky Heart. Why specifically that song? Beats the hell out of me. ROFLMBO!

My home is not huge. But sometimes I really enjoy going out to the shed to smoke a joint and relax while the baby sleeps. Since I can’t hear him when I’m out there, I bring the monitor with me. If he wakes up, I can hear him and decide whether he’s just making noises in his sleep, or if I need to go back inside and…

Nah, your reasons why being too old is unacceptable are basically all reasons you could use verbatim for arguing people with disabilities shouldn’t be allowed to have kids - myriad health issues, not having the energy or strength to keep up with a teenager - all of these could be used against someone who uses a…

You can do whatever you want with dead grandmas as long as you don’t get caught.

The article says she has a learning disability. It did not say that she has YOUR learning disability.

Counterpoint: there are a wide variety of learning disabilities, some of which would bear on this matter, others of which would not.

The Nature Company!

Here’s how I relieve tension every morning by being mindful.

That’s why I prefer Arizona over Georgia. It’s the dry hate.

A commenter on the last post requested that this is the photo we use for him from now on. A damn good idea.

No no, not at all! See, the REAL story is just under the surface. Ellie has its tail now and it’s only a matter of time until she discovers the REASON Ted’s daughters react so poorly to him.

“C'mon, give a few votes for ol' Kasich. I just need a few more to tide me over till the convention, then things will turn around. Just you wait and see-awwww no, I just lost California and Arizona!'

He really reminds me of “Old Gil” from the Simpsons. I am sad for him.

You see that ad with all those ugly broads repeating my statements?! Not one of them was as bangable as my daughter Ivanka.

No, that person is full of it. I’ve never been a huge Cesar fan but I’ve never once seen him use any techniques that would be considered painful or abusive. The “choke” collars he advocates aren’t the spiky kind that poke a dogs neck when it pulls but one’s that just apply pressure if the dog is trying to drag you…

So there I was sitting in traffic wondering whether to get an abortion or get a manicure. Then I saw this license plate. Totally changed my mind. Thanks, judgy plate. My nails look great now.

“Hello, fellow friend senator. Have you done any good senating lately?”

She's already adopted three apparently. She's fulfilled her infertile person duties.

I think...maybe...is it? Is that his...it can’t be. I mean it’s like a AAA battery with a replacement eraser on it. Like a baby carrot stuffed into a button mushroom. It’s almost the size of one of those pills that turns into sponge when you put water on it. I can’t believe he has a Klitschko sized earbud where his…

There's something very.....penile about his face.