My skin is still crawling. It’s on the way out the door.

I don’t know if anyone was paying attention to the press conference by Trump this morning but in response to a question about 2020 he literally just asked Pence right then and there to be his VP again like a young idiot impulsively going down on his knees and popping the question at a family barbeque when a relative…

It’s pretty clear he hasn’t and won’t.

You have 17 years to craft a public statement and that’s what you come up with?

I, for one, can’t wait for him to get on Twitter/Facebook. The accessibility of social media is going to be a really cool thing for him to experience. So cool that he becomes addicted and crosses the street, while staring at his phone, and gets hit by a bus. 

He seems surprised that “there is so much hate and negativity toward [him].” I wonder if it has anything to do with him paying someone to murder the mother of his child?

“Get his agent on the line”

Translation:

The #dogsinbowties on Instagram features a ton of my Fusilli looking like this.

Here’s a good, fancy dog.

Dwight’s a dick. A very photogenic, allergy-prone dick.

This side eyeing little shit is Charles

This is Danny. My wife and I adopted her about 2 months ago. She’s a pointer, pit bull, Chihuahua, German Shepherd and a bunch of other things mix. She’s super high energy and can be pretty damn annoying at times, but she’s mostly great

My giant Great Dane puppy and my old cocker mix.

Anyone who supports Pete Rose and also invokes the character clause is kindly invited to fuck right off. I have no dog in this fight, but I super-despise this kind of intellectual disconnect.

Counter-proposal: Keep all golf courses active but also populate them with wolves.

I just wanted to say, fuck you, for calling pizza, za.

I’ve found a reasonable compromise with the Keurig machine that eliminate waste and produces a better cup of coffee: the refillable filter cup.

Essentially, a Keurig is little more that a single serving drip coffee machine that dispenses a single serving quantity of hot water through coffee grounds and a filter.

The…

I love coffee, and I love my Keurig even though I have a french press and fancy coffee that I drink whenever I run out of k-cups.

I think if last tuesday’s election results are an indication of exactly how pissed people are, it’s a good thing.