The House Bunny...

I let my sister babysit my daughter this one time. She told me that a couple she was friends with were going to stop by. I kind of knew them and they have a kid about my daughter’s age, so I didn’t mind. After I left, the couple showed up, and they got to talking about my BIL’s new hunting rifle. (We live in the…

I get angry at people mocking Madonna for being age-inappropriate (cuz a. there’s no such thing as age-inappropriate and b. no one cares about men who do this).

“Rich people lose their second homes, poor people lose their only home”.

If i wasn’t act work I would post the video of the Chris Rock bit about bullets being $1,000 each and how that would reduce drive by shootings.

She’s Big In Japan.

God, I feel you. They actually left my ovaries in when they did my hysterectomy. BUT. They accidentally poked a hole in my bladder. Went back into fix it and put a stitch through to of the vagina, which led to an abnormal connection between the bladder and vagina. Meaning, urine comes out your vagina, folks. Had to…

My brother met Jade at a red carpet at Chris Rock’s brother’s birthday party when she was still relevant enough to be invited to such things. He was filming the event and had her say hello to me because he knows I hated her.

It’s embarrassing to admit how fascinating I find these stories. I’m pretty sure I would have been a bad doctor, but not because of squeamishness because I am pretty much the opposite.

There is a YouTube channel for the dermatologist from The Doctors called Dr Pimple Popper. She has some very satisfying videos.

You are singing the song of my people. I was in Target today looking for Thanksgiving (or, fuck, at least FALL-THEMED) decorations and shit for the upcoming holiday. I was specifically looking for fancy hand-towels for my guest bath, in case The Game wants to swing by and take some selfies.

I always say that my money spent on travel and education should have been put towards fake boobs and hair extensions. Single at 44, I have out educated, out traveled and now am out earning most of my male counterpoints. Most find this not sexy with the exception of an adorable 32-year old who thinks it’s awesome. :)…

It took me a while to figure out “I saw a shoe”.

Absolutely false. Statistically middle children are the best customers, having learned early if they ever ask for anything special, they’ll never, ever get it, so why bother? What’s on the menu is fine as is, thanks! I’ll just take the damn tomatoes off myself.

Now please let Amy Schumer and Bill Hader be cast as Janet and Brad and this remake will be soooooo awesome!

Oooh ... those Laura Ashley dresses!

I drank some in Beelitz, Germany a few weeks ago. It has almost a fruity note, but a normal asparagus aftertaste. And the same odd-smelling urine.

i hope you told him you could only pick out the bell peppers with your toes.

I work with the public.