1. Play all remaining games against the Harlem Globetrotters

Usually when there's an attempted Muhammad dunk that results in a different outcome than expected, the CIA gets criticized a decade later.

It must be such a relief to see something black on the floor in Chicago that isn't Derrick Rose.

When I was assigned the piece by David Granger, present-tense re-creation (qua High Lit Docudrama) was routine at GQ. Granger had instilled this thing of "tell it any way you want as long as you've surrounded the story" in all of us, and it felt right: It was a more immediate and more compelling; as long as you'd…

Dear Mr. Morelli:

Deion Sanders probably should have shut the fuck up once he realized what Eisen was doing. What an asshole.

I love how the other guys realize what Rich is doing early on, yet continue to try to get their own words in over him while Rich completely ignores them.

Basically the sports world's version of losing Robin Williams today. Just the way so many people have been broken up or moved to tears all day long with these tributes is incredible.

"Oh, you doin you Stu Scott here, heh heh."

Fuck cancer. RIP Stuart.

Before any of you disrespectful losers start making any rude jokes, at least wait until this man's body is as cool as the other side of the pillow.

Deadspin Twitter: "The NFL is a racket run by shameless scam artists."

I remember when Madden added PSLs to their Owner Mode. So cool! Finally, the thrill of ripping off your fanbase, at your fingertips!

As of 10:40am et, the test pattern was up 28-0 on Arkansas.

The other metric I'm using is that I watched these teams under these people, and they were bad.

He could also use it to get the fuck out of Memphis.

Look, I know it’s a nice feature and all, but if he doesn’t want the new one stolen, he should really consider removing the big-ass red bow this time.