So, half of the internet is going to treat this as an exoneration and the other half is going to take far too much glee in pointing out that’s not what the DA statement says. Kinda like the Barr letter, but with everyone’s positions reversed. Fun.

Every day for half a semester my roommate bombarded me with really lame, stupid puns. Every fucking day. Finally, in a chemistry class we had together, I told him to shut the fuck up.

we said to just pay the tickets, it’ll be fine

Same here. That was when I was like well fuck - it doesn’t get any worse than that and we did jack fucking shit. And if that’s the case, then there is no hope. Just to lay it out again - 20 fucking first graders were killed by a psycho with a semi-auto rifle. 6 year olds. Gunned down in their classrooms, while their…

“I spent my day doing three hours of actual work, which in this regime makes me Overachiever Of The Year.”

This isn’t about Anthony Davis seeking a trade. It’s about Anthony Davis seeking a trade to the Lakers when everyone knows the Celtics are entitled to his services. NO ONE DENIES THIS!

I wear Happy Socks, and they look awesome. I cannot tell you how many girls have said “nice socks!” to my blue with white polka dot socks.

People who are grossed out by toilets should, by their own logic, throw their cell phones in a volcano. Compared to an iPhone, your typical bathroom might as well be sterilized.

The report somehow missed how he used district funds to purchase the “Taxation is Theft!” vinyl wrap for his pickup truck.

Really? Because my issue is with the people focusing on the fact that a dead guy was kinda shit, as opposed to the fact that THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES IS STILL ARGUING WITH A GUY WHO’S BEEN DEAD FOR MONTHS (who was kinda shit, but WHO FUCKING CARES, DID YOU EVEN READ THE REST OF THE SENTENCE?!).

So I looked up that section of the indictment, and it turns out it was actually their mom, who’s a Newport Beach socialite. And it gets worse - the older daughter was in on it. She knew everything and didn’t give a shit. She went along with the scheme to fake a record as a beach volleyball player, and got into USC.

I am 99% sure the dude is a contractor fixing something in the apartment.

Daughter 1: Goddamn it dad, I knew you were up to something. Why couldn’t you just let D2 fail on her own merits?
D2: Wait, what’s happening? Why are you yelling at dad? 

Yeah, I really want to be a fly on the wall when JANAVS’ two daughters read the transcript of that phone call in which he flat out says one of them is too dumb to catch on to this scheme but the other one might figure it out.

This is my experience as well.

So, since Lori Loughlin is involved, is it fair to say that this scandal is everywhere you look?

In hind-sight, maybe I should have known something was up from this recruiting photo.

Witnesses described the man as “funny lookin.”

Keep in mind that fatalities have gone down despite the fact that the number of people flying has gone up an insane amount. If you look at it from a deaths/# of flyers ratio, it’s unreal how safe flying is.