To think most Americans would give a single shit about al-Baghdadi is very on brand delusion from them. He may recall there were two very large reasons we all danced in the streets when OBL was killed.

Honestly, I’m amazed the pic doesn’t have their laptop monitors facing the camera, giving away sensitive information.

Look at the rat’s nest of cables there. Christ. Does no one in that place own a couple of zip ties?

They had gotten down to the 21 yard line with ease on that drive. Forget one more play, or running it when the other team knows you’re gonna run it. 45 seconds and a timeout, just keep playing football. Throw the ball, run the ball, get to 5, chip it in to win. 

Drew, I can’t believe you’ve never been to a Brazilian steakhouse. Dude, get your ass to a Brazilian steakhouse! Make it your next Father’s Day or birthday meal or whatever. THEN GORGE

Meanwhile, I’d just like to remind people what it was like to have a GOAT who could genuinely laugh at himself:

Brady’s case is exacerbated by the fact that he got genuinely fucked over by the NFL for deflating footballs.

That is not how TIF funds work and not how the subsidies to Lincoln Yards work.  

all that means is there are certain players good enough to transcend how bad the team they're on is at developing young players. 

He’s kind of like the Richard Sherman of the NFL in his wavering between smart, thoughtful, outspoken guy and complete asshole.

To the eating at your wedding question, there is a tradition, I think with the Jewish weddings, where the bride and groom are supposed to go hang out in another room after the vows and before the reception. She’s Jewish by blood, so we did that as well. The obvious snickering is that you’re gonna bone, but honestly,…

I would have gone a slightly different route. I’d agree to call him “doctor” but I’d tell him that his real last name will never, ever be used. He’d have to basically choose between maintaining our previous arrangement or constantly being referred to as “Dr. Feelgood,” “Dr. Nick Riviera,” “Dr. Demento,” “Dr. Mengele,” …

Nah, all those kids that worked at the local ice cream place had carpal tunnel before we knew that was a thing. I think a couple have claws for hands now. Soft serve ice cream parlors are where it’s at.

My first job/Minimum wage job is easily the best. I worked at a golf course as a “players assistant,” essentially greeting golfers before the round, taking their clubs, loading them up on the cart. Then after the round, you greet the golfers coming off the course, wipe up the clubs, and they flip you between $2 and $5…

Probably the same fuckos who decided to stop letting us hover over the other Gawker sites at the top of the screen to see the top articles.

Man, I’d really love to know what Larry has to say about all of those roles! BY READING ABOUT IT IN AN ARTICLE.

I think that’s what a lot of people miss about comedy. Many times the jokes are about trying to lighten up a shitty situation. 

News for you, Chappelle comedy is politically incorrect. He makes fun of blacks, whites, asians, latin americans, his wife, his kids, his friends. It is NOT on public television, it is a Netflix Special, you don’t accidently click on his comedy. If you don’t like politically incorrect jokes, then why did you click on…

...made racially charged remarks to a parent

“Rickey Henderson would say Rickey Henderson, but Rickey Henderson is Rickey Henderson’s favorite team.”