Luke.  My poor, deluded, frankly baked-as-a-hippy Luke...if you’re going to scaremonger, at least do it with some fucking figures to back your crap up.  Jesus Christ, kid.  And your parents paid for you to go to college?  Hope they kept the receipt...

I’m British.  Sarcasm is our second national past-time.

My Grandmother will always prefer to use canned fish when she’s making fishcakes. If she can’t get her preferred canned fish (usually salmon), she’ll head for the Arbroath Smokies and use them. Cheap fish is just as good as shelling out on the expensive shit. Now, recipe time! This is from the excellent Ministry of…

I want the boots.  Give me those boots.  

*files claws*

Well, Ncuti is Scottish...

Here’s hoping you can crowdfund the medication you need to live!

Kylie’s intellectually poor.  We should feel sorry for the Jezebel’s latest Interchangeable Emma but it’s far easier to roll our eyes and move on.

The Channel Islands are...unusual in terms of “being British”. They’re not part of the United Kingdom and they’re not British Overseas Territories. They’re what is known as “Crown Dependencies” (there are three - the Isle of Man, the Bailiwick of Guernsey and the Bailiwick of Jersey - the two Bailiwicks are what make…

Unless the tubby inbred waddlers of the Midwest are suddenly going to stop putting cream and garlic in their carbonara (doubtful. You whores think jelly and cream is an essential part of a “salad”. No wonder you’re such fat sluts) then you’ll be eating Italian-American fast food.

The aliens motivations are a bit clearer at the end of this: they’re not flexing their technological muscles, but they are taking on an elder sibling role as far as humanity is concerned. To be quite honest, I’ve always liked that idea in science fiction - that humanity needs a bitchslap and then for an older, wiser…

Ah, the after-effects of the Taco Hell European offensive. As in “You came with Taco Bell, we took offence, we bitchslapped Apple and told them to incorporate USB-C or else...”

The best - and in my opinion, only - way to eat a stroopwafel is to get a basic mug of coffee, and carefully place your entire stroopwafel over the coffee and let it sit for a minute or two.

Yup, it tastes like American foreign policy no matter where you go:  chemical-laden and scorched (earth) aftertaste.

Basic whores gotta basic when they vacay, donchaknow!

And I’ll throw this in as well.

The Abyss is possibly my favourite Cameron film, not just because it’s a technical marvel, but also because there are two different versions - very different versions - that more or less end the same way. The version everyone knows has the very-eighties-neon aliens pop up from the depths, carrying the rig to safety,…

I cackled when the little girl brained that doll.  Generations of little girls in my family approve this message!  (Now, if only we get a shot of a little girl throwing a Barbie onto a lit barbeque/chucking a Barbie into a deep fat fryer/decapitating a Barbie and microwaving the corpse/throwing a Barbie into…

But will he personally paint all the armour and...stuff...for the show?  #SeriousNewsFace

I know that here in the UK it can cause prosecution with either a scarily high fine and/or jail time (sometimes the presiding judge’ll fancy being a bastard and give them both just to rattle their dentures). And one thing I know about the UK press when it comes to these sorts of monsters? They don’t shy away from…