(cites no place with actual free cheeseburgers)

F-16 is cool, but would be even cooler with AGM-65 missiles that you could use to obliterate left-lane bandits.

First off, Bernie Sanders yells everything. He even yells “HELLO!” at his staff when they come in each morning. So good luck with that, Ryan.

Second, John Delaney clearly lost a bet that requires him to run for president. He’s only marginally more likely to be elected than John Hickenlooper, but even I have a better…

You also need to watch out for fat people hauling ass on mobility scooters.

Stop trying to spin a defective, premium product into something positive...

I’m guessing Spin Doctors.

Trump looks like the kind of guy who’d fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around.

Look, the highlight of my day is a nice relaxing dump. I’m not ever going to be one of those 30 second poopers that run in all grunting and heavy breathing like they’re delivering triplets. I just want to sit there, relax and just let it happen. Catch up on some reading, maybe review my day. Then come out feeling like…

Cue Apple - they link the watch health monitor into the car software and it drives you to the nearest hospital if you suffer a heart attack, stroke, seizure, etc....

If she can skate I bet the Panthers will hire her.

Even if he isn’t, your take still makes you look like a total ass.

I believe you mean “Shopping cart racing map”

I cant burp either and I get the throat gurgles.  People hear me and ask wth was that?

Also, sometimes when I drink too much of a carbonated drink (beer), I get these weird grumbling sounds that emanate from my upper throat.

More people need to know about jury nullification. Probably our best tool against the stupid shit our legal system pulls on a regular basis.

If it is family, a little jury nullification would be appropriate.

That is some Grade A Dadding there. Strong work man!

A star for you for an expensive meat on a Dixie plate.

or him...