I like Ben Affleck.

[witty golf reference that undercuts the fact that we’re watching a guy freefall into opiate addiction]

Just for fun, I’m going to try to explain this story to my mom.

She has a lot of red in her ledger.

Chris Cornell

For fuck’s sake. Is there any other sport other than baseball where you try to beat the other team, but not by too much or you have to stop trying at some point, so you don’t hurt the other team’s fee-fees?

Basketball puts in the bench. Football doesn’t really care about the score getting run up. In hockey, two guys…

best helmet in football

No part of that video is bad. The way the anchor says “now we have moving picture,” the brutality of the pelican’s kill and the last anchor’s cleavage. All good stuff my man.

+1 person who’s ever knocked on wood.

A lazy fisting, you say?

For as much shit as Butler gets about being a bad teammate (for whatever reason), he was *quick* getting in there to help out Lopez.

My wife consistently uses all of the wrong knives for all of the wrong uses. She is a monster. Really, using a boning knife for chopping celery? 

Lol well played.

Call me a giant asshole for being a Bulls fan, but this was our best game all season.

The judge denied his request to be sent to juvie.

The absolute fucking worst. I’d rather listen to Fleetwood Mac or the Eagles.