Kids do not belong where alcohol is the main product. End of story.

I do some work for a local brewery. Straight up we brew beer and pour it, nothing else brewery. Had a dad come up to me complaining at 7pm on a Friday that the table next to them was drunk and cussing in front of their kid. My response “Don’t bring your fucking kid to a brewery on a Friday night.”

How would I know that? What am I, the Berry Police?

Plot twist:

Houston, man indeed. So frustrating being a Houston sports fan.

Best thing I’ll see all day

This is a fallacy. After the glass sweats for 10 minutes the salt effect wears off and you got a sticky coaster.

They both were weak. Lopez was like “I’ll lazily thrust my fist in your general direction” and Ibaka said “oh yea?! Here’s my own lazy fisting”

Why the hell are half the Raptors wearing Huskies shirts?

Same same.

More like a brown eye.....ammiright?!

It’s not the joke we deserve, but it’s the joke we need.

Yes, not only does it put the oldest first, but it is also alphabetical, which is always correct.

Piggy most definitely not Jewish. Pork is not kosher.

Little Ceasars has dishes? What kind of fancy pants town did you grow up in?

So my inlaws have this habit of every time there is a party, they end it by watching a Fleetwood Mac dvd, live from LA. USC band comes out and plays the finale. We’re talking about 20 50 and 60 somethings dancing without shame. The world would be a better place without Fleetwood Mac.

No, her sexuality does not matter one iota. She wants to mess around with another person, he has made it clear the strain that would cause on their relationship. Itch or not its clear this situation will not work for this relationship

“There’s no wrong answer here”