I have a Google Pixel 5, an upgrade from original Google Pixel - and the 5 is brilliant...
You can get am unlocked refurb for ~$300, I can not recommend enough, including for its NON-whale form factor

100P

^^^^ this is the decider, no brainer!

(I have a friend that works at one and family member at the other, anecdotal I know, but...)

Is it just me?

Although Robbie Rotten is way better of course...

I ride motorcycles across the USA, for fun...
Northern Idaho with the Peckerheads, unashamed Nazi insignia in the gas station (employee!) in Spokane, WA, and many more...

that is a tedious ‘music’ video, audio and visual both - built for the response: meh

Who needs a bedpost to notch any more?  ~roll~

He *looks* like someone you should never buy anything off or indeed trust - aka as shady as fuck, 1st impressions so matter

Looks like slices of endangered species  <-- yeah, yeah, someone had to

Outstanding PPE  /s

I hate lawns, have a large back and side yard, think I will build a course, my other ½ is down with it...

agreed, including no extras

www.peopleofcostco.com needs to be a thing, you will never, ever see - for instance - more middle aged white guys in socks AND sandals in one place...

I am getting a Lexus crossover from Costco... /s

Seriously, we did replace our washer / dryer there...

My photo is 8-bit-ish looking, a person, some person, maybe me, if you squint...

GENESIS G70 3.3T should be on the list as well IMHO

NASCAR GPS - Updated:
• (pretend to) turn left at the next curve

Government job: “The pay for things like engineers and other careers isn’t the best but for non-STEM it’s outstanding especially. I know plenty of folks making 90k+ a year in jobs that would be 30% less outside of the government.”

Akita loves the cold and snow as you might expect... seeks it out...

The cleared pavement though ices up so fast, if they are doing the “hot lava” one foot, next foot dance, not so good, too cold...

Mushers wax works a charm for dogs like that that hates booties...

Akita are nowhere near as overbred as other dogs listed, as a spitz they are not that far from that proverbial wolf / wild dog that came close to the campfire...
Your other summary points are pretty spot on though...