I love Royale, but the final hand in that movie was one of the silliest "Movie Poker Hands" I've ever seen, second only to the final hand in "Maverick". Four players left, one has a flush, one has a full house, another has a LARGER full house and Bond has a straight flush. Even dumber when people act like this has…

Damn, how can I start one of those cults? Is there, like, a YouTube tutorial? Some sorta course down at the Radisson? Like, "Have Your Own VERY Questionably Feminist Sex-Cult Harem Packed With Nerd-Show Actresses in 10 Easy Steps!"

That's one of those mistakes I once would've made. Because the first thing you think when you open the door to one of those rooms is, "SWEET!!"

Yeah, can't disagree with you more. Dark Knight Rises survives based on strong performances and . . . that's about it. I don't know if it was a rushed production schedule or what, but it was easily the worst plotted thing Christopher Nolan has ever been associated with. (I don't even care about skipping how Bruce…

And . . . . now my whole evening will be spent down that particular wormhole.

Will you be my 8th grade girlfriend?

I was roughly 15 when I decided to be out of the "music tween girls think is awesome" loop. Aside from Justin Timberlake and Donnie Wahlberg, I couldn't pick any member of any boy band from the last 30 years out of a line-up.

Yeah, because it's horrid. The flavor is SUPER strong, which is why everybody with a brain mixes it with something, or other. Ordering it "with a twist" is just being pretentious and shitty, because there's NO WAY a little twist of lemon peel is doing anything to the flavor of that drink.

Look, I'm not even talking about the context of the movie, I'm talking about a first date with the woman.
"Well, I grew up a few miles from the beach. Which was really cool, you know, being able to see the ocean that often . . ."
"I don't care for the ocean."
"Hmm, okay, would you like a drink?"
"Sweet Vermouth, rocks,…

Am I being super unclear?
No, they don't care about South Park. No, Republican voters are not the audience. But because stuff like DvTS basically suggests that voting is pointless bullshit, and because South Park's audience is mostly comprised of people who would agree with liberal policies 95% of the time, GOP…

Well, yeah, they don't have to. As long as folks like Matt and Trey are happy to carry their water for them with the whole "ha ha, they're both terrible so what's the point?" nonsense.

They don't have to. It's the idiots who sat at home saying, "meh, they're both the same."
It's overly cynical bullshit that also happens to be a strategy known as "The Rove Doctrine". The formula goes: the conservative base is more tribal and loyal than the liberal base and will vote for anyone with an "R" by their…

His characters have epitomized the concept of "the banality of evil". You can never tell if they have any awareness of how they're total tools.

True, no "Joel Schumacher" issue with that one, just a profound level of mega-breakdown shittiness.

Professional athletes can have their knee bent back 90 degrees the wrong direction and be back on the field in under a year. Meanwhile, billionaire mega-badass Bruce f'in Wayne is still walking with a cane seven years later. What the hell? Way to wussify Batman, Chris Nolan.

Yeah, he spent 7 years NOT going to a doctor. Because . . . uhh, reasons?

That and "Much Ado About Nothing". Really, Kenneth Branagh? Self-appointed king-poo-bah of all things Shakespeare, fucking Keanu as Don John? (Though Michael Keaton as Dogberry was fucking inspired.)

The Captain America movies (after the first one) are mostly sequels to the Avenger movies. But that's okay. The beauty of the Internet age is that, if you're not into taking the time to watch any particular movie, a quick peruse of Wikipedia will give you the broad-strokes.

We've also got to remember that, in terms of movies, this is a REALLY recent development, and goddamned hard to pull off. That's what made the MCU so exciting (and why the DCU is such a shit-show). Sure, they're erring on the side of caution, because directors, left to their own devices, can quite easily fuck things…

I dunno, I'm okay with a movie not having to awkwardly brush past (again) how a teenage boy manages to make an awesome-looking, perfectly fitted suit using uncommon materials without anyone noticing. (Hey, Aunt May, I REALLY need a high-end sewing machine and a few yards of weird materials. For, uh, school.)