Do those wheels have any off-road durability? Or are they just decorative?

My liver vibrates just reading that.

Willpower = Cocaine.

I do own a TV, but I don’t have cable. Nonfiction is my jam for sure.

Wasting your 20's. That’s the time to really abuse yourself with wild women, late nights and flavourful food. Damn, those were good times.

I assume you also don’t own a television and only read nonfiction.

and hosts various shows on Food network

I used to work for JD Power, you know, the quality people?

So you do Crossfit and herbal enemas. Got it.

What really grinds my gears is that “vajazzling” isn’t even anatomically correct. Pubic-region-jazzling just doesn’t have the same ring, though. Vulvazzling would be more painful if true to its name but it’s also a very good word. Pros and cons.

Those are . . . those are real tweets? An at least semi-respected publication with decades of print history actually used “vajazzled”?

Nothing says, “While you’re here, feel free to rub one out,” like the SI Swimsuit issue.

SI Swimsuit Issue, For the classy dad or when you want to leave your house-guests some casual jerkoff material in your bathroom.

I would agree that the line is drawn where shows and fans are purchased instead of earned

Honestly, that would be fine if he were playing Johnny’s Cheap Beer And Middle-Aged Hookup Emporium, but dude is going on tour opening for the Doobie Brothers. A lot of actually good bands in actual need of actual money would kill for that slot.

Breaking Bald

Nope. He’s pay-to-play trash.

I used to live about 30 minutes from that “community” when I was in high school. Fuck every single person associated with that place with a rusty dildo.

Don’t forget the geriatric sex!