Friends don’t let friend (lumber)jack drunk.

So rig a Vaux bait car with a few Claymores tucked behind the bumper covers and problem solved. Any survivors will be too busy trying to clean their copiously pooped knickers out to mess with anybody’s car for a good long while.

Trunk? TRUNK? What the hell has happened to Jalopnik that this sort of error can make it to a headline? That is clearly a FRUNK for Christ’s sake...
Now recite 50 dick jokes in penance for your sin.

You like to eat don’t you? Then that equipment has to get to the field so suck it up, buttercup.

But where will in find access to cheap payday loans, whang enhancements and hot, hot senior singles now?

Free-ranging doesn’t mean domesticated; it just means they’re occassionally handled but it sure doesn’t mean they’re tame. All our cattle are branded but they’ll still trample you into a mudhole if you try to jump on their back.

The cheapie plastic ones scratch up too easily, fog up all the time and are horribly uncomfortable not to mention optically shitty. I bought a pair of (bicycle) riding glasses from Performance Bicycle with nylon frames and interchangable lenses (clear, amber, rose, grey, really-dark-grey) and spent maybe $35. The…

If you think rings are a good idea around power equipment, do an image search for the term “Degloved Digits”. Half of the results you see (which will put you off eating anytime soon) will be from rings being snagged on stuff and yanked off.

Carrot-Top, is that you?

It’s all in the reflexes...

You mean you didn’t see this?

That’s also known as “A typical South Texas Summer.”

Hobos, mostly, but gang-bangers, feral children, ya know.

Exactly! This is what we ALL know the kiwis typically wear:

Heh. City kids.

ok, that’s officially the first i09/Deadspin crossover post.

Ironically, the things you did that made their Mom yell “FASTER” and/or “AGAIN!” over and over is what lead to you having kids in the first place.

You should start a Kickstarter for that. Cover the thing in GoPros and edit it down in super-slo-mo with patriotic music and call it “The Taking Back America Tour”. It’ll be famous.

You realize that the outgoing body-style was cribbed from the 67-68 fastback Mustangs and this one is basically an updated take on the 69-70 fastbacks, right? The way it’s going, we’ll be getting another MustangII in about 4 years.

The older one had an even worse overhang but that doesn’t mean this one shouldn’t be right rather than “not as bad.”