Does Rubbin’ One Out count?

That’s not rust; that’s “Patina”.

So, if the old Buick Port law of “one vent per cylinder” applies, then that car is running a V79?

Needs an Air Grabber instead!

Just so long as Texans quit trying to foist the abomination known as “Tex Mex” on the rest of the world, they can have the fucking guack.

Wrong! The only correct guacamole is made without any avocados what so ever, because they’ve all been hucked at passing car cause that’s the only thing they’re good for!

Dad, is that you?

This dude must be his alternate universe self in which he discovered Taco Bell at an early age:

So you had to find a way to actually use your degree for a business matter to continue writing off your student loans, right? (It’s cool, I’m an Art Major, too...)

But he wasn’t dozing, he was passed out. The mystery shitter could very well have yelled at him, shaken him and done other “wake up!!” things only to decide that crapping on the coffee table was a better use of his time.

Yeah. Please make sure to keep your Grandmother well away from me. Violence might very well ensue if she attempted to get god on my food.

Needs more “Hip Hop Attitude”.

Ok. You win. +1

You left off the last, important item:
Once you’re done, remove ALL YOUR DAMN SIGNS!!!

There’s always that one asshole who has to ruin the fly-in for EVERYBODY...

So what does Alex Jones say about it, then?

Above all else, teach them this:

A) ALL rental cars are 4wheel drive

B) I double-dog-dare you to cross post this to Jalopnik.

They’re both dinks. The Beemer should be crushed into a cube and placed in the bed of the pickup which should then be crushed into a cube around the Beemer-cube. The hybrid Ford/Beeemer-cube should then be picked up by a large crane to a height of about 100’ then dropped on both drivers whilst standing on the sacred…