But did you buy the matching fro-wig?

You missed the single biggest one: Look at the camera, not the monitor.You're supposed to be relating to the human on the far-end, not the equipment on the near-end.

Skip the checkerboard contact paper; use woodgrain contact paper and troll Jalopnik meet-ups.

You left of the first and most important tip which is to TALK WITH YOUR VET. If little Skippy needs care you can't afford, talk with them about options. They may be able to offer options but only if they know your needs.
Also, never just say "I can't afford that, put him to sleep."

Ok, at first glance I read your comment as :
"euthanasia enthusiast"

He also bought an old movie theater in Santa Fe, the Jean Cocteau, which had been an art-house theater and has turned it into a geek's dream. On Mondays, Jan-March, they are running a Game of Thrones (seasons 1-3) marathon, free to get in, of course. It's worth checking out...

Leavenworth, eh? Did they give him the Michael Vick suite?

That stuff's amateur.

They made it out of the "not real concrete" that the mob contractors used on the Boston Big Dig project, obviously...

Yeah, but until there is a Federal declaration of "Steak and Blowjob Night" the weekend prior to Valentines, it's the guys who are the primary screwee for February...

You left a big "Time we blow more money than we should" out that's very pertinent:

The alarm will be set off and the horn will honk until I smash your window with a bat, pop your hood and rip the leads off the horn and/or battery.

I'm all over this:

Levitation.

Nah. In New Mexico all they need to create synthetic gas is some green chile.

I once went annular with my wife and she still hasn't forgiven me.

Typically you get in trouble if you hack a kid. They squeal really loud...

Skip the engagement ring outright. If your not-quite fiancee balks then you wouldn't want to marry her anyway.

I'm willing to cut 'em some slack for not being prepared for the ice and having to scramble to support their residents in a way-out-of-the-ordinary meteorological event. Whoever was on the board for that recording, however, needs to be fired ASAP for having the levels on the two guys lapel mics set 70% apart from…

Hey Boomhaur, get your lazy mumbling ass out of the truck and help the guy. If you have time to get your phone out and record then you have time to help.