The alarm will be set off and the horn will honk until I smash your window with a bat, pop your hood and rip the leads off the horn and/or battery.

I'm all over this:

Levitation.

Nah. In New Mexico all they need to create synthetic gas is some green chile.

I once went annular with my wife and she still hasn't forgiven me.

Typically you get in trouble if you hack a kid. They squeal really loud...

Skip the engagement ring outright. If your not-quite fiancee balks then you wouldn't want to marry her anyway.

I'm willing to cut 'em some slack for not being prepared for the ice and having to scramble to support their residents in a way-out-of-the-ordinary meteorological event. Whoever was on the board for that recording, however, needs to be fired ASAP for having the levels on the two guys lapel mics set 70% apart from…

Hey Boomhaur, get your lazy mumbling ass out of the truck and help the guy. If you have time to get your phone out and record then you have time to help.

I like the cut a' yer jib!

I prefer to do tech training with allegory...

Two words:
Donner Party

You're just bitter because Bunny is screwing around on you...

A friend up Round Rock way said that the problem was that the precipitation was happening early but the freezing temps didn't hit till after school/work began so you now have Austinites trapped away from their homes, iPhone chargers and closets full of skinny jeans.

How about:
Hi Mr. McCartney. I can't help but notice that in every live performance I've seen by you in the last 10yrs or so it seems like you really don't want to be there. Why not, while you're performing for your fans or the camera, try to act like it's not a terrible imposition to have to actually play music and…

Trust me on this. If you're a guesser who only asks for help when it's really needed you don't want to marry a woman (or a man I assume) who believes in constantly asking for help regardless of how trivial the task.

That's not a longhorn, that's a Houston Texans logo. This nails that egg down as being a Houston resident, cause nobody outside of Houston would be willing or able to find that sticker.

4 words:
Suck. It. Up. Buttercup.

obviously you've never lived outside of Texas, cause I have and this god-forsaken state has the worst traffic engineering anywhere I've been. Combine just plain bad design with piss-poor driver training and abilities and you wind up with the cluster flop that is SA traffic. Can't drive in daylight but get worse in…

Um... Is she from Texas by any chance?